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By Root 538 0

’t need to know that. We had tried a few times but something always seemed to go wrong. The first time was when the Wicked Witch went to Hastings to see my nan. But we were so excited to have the flat to ourselves that we finished off her Christmas port and the sherry. Most of what I remembered involved throwing up in my wastepaper basket in the middle of the night. The only other times we’d tried were in the back of his car and once in the shop after it was closed. It was too cold in the car to actually take any clothes off, which was just as well since we’d just got into a serious clinch when a police car pulled up beside us. And I couldn’t undress in the shop, all those videos made it hard to get in the mood.

“A week,” I lied. “A whole, excruciating week.”

Shanee nodded towards the cupboard over the sink. “There’s crisps and biscuits up in there,” she directed.

I reached for the snacks. “I don’t know how much longer I can last,” I confessed. “I really miss him.”

“My mum hasn’t had a boyfriend since my dad left five years ago,” said Shanee. “She doesn’t seem to mind.”

“That’s ’cause she’s old. It’s different when you’re in your prime.”

Shanee started filling the glasses with juice. “Physical exercise,” she decided. “You should take up cross-country running or some—”

I looked over at her. She was staring at me with her head to one side, as though she’d just noticed I had four arms or something.

“What?”

Shanee gave herself a shake. “Nothing.” She turned back to the glasses. “I was just wondering if those were the jeans you got at Brent Cross with me in September?”

I put the biscuits and the crisps on the counter. “Yeah. Why?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. They look different.”

I tugged at the waist. “They shrunk,” I told her. “She can’t even wash a pair of jeans without ruining them.”

“That must be it…” She glanced over and smirked. “Or did you hit the Christmas goodies a little hard?”

“God, no! I hardly ate the whole time. I was lovesick, remember?”

Shanee was still studying me like I was one of her science project plants. “Your face looks fatter.”

I picked up the crisps and two of the glasses.

“It’s all the kissing,” I assured her. “The muscles swell.”

I didn’t feel like sitting with my mother the moaner, so I spent most of that night in my room, pretending to be doing my homework while I listened to the radio and imagined me and Les going away together on holiday in the spring, to celebrate our six-month anniversary. To Ibiza, or Greece, somewhere hot and romantic. We found a secluded cove where no one else ever went. The water was as blue as a swimming-pool and the sand was as soft as feathers and as white as Nivea. We put our blanket near the water. I unhooked my bikini top and lay on my front while Les knelt over me, rubbing sunblock into my back.

But I couldn’t fall asleep. Every time I closed my eyes and tried to stop thinking about our holiday, I’d see Shanee looking at me with her head to one side, telling me my face was fat.

As soon as I heard Hilary snoring next door, I crept into the living-room to watch telly. I didn’t like lying in the dark on my own. It made me nervous. I’m a person who likes light and noise.

There was a pretty funny film on Channel Five. Funny enough to take my mind off my fat face for a while. Normally, I get something to eat or drink while the ads are on, but after what Shanee said I didn’t dare go near the kitchen in case I really was gaining weight. I was sitting there, humming along with the jingles the way you do, when the Tampax ad came on. This girl all in white was running around in the sunshine.

Yeah, right, I thought. Like she never leaks even a little…

And that’s when it occurred to me that I hadn’t had my period yet that month. I tried to shove the thought away, but it kept coming back.

I know it sounds mad that I had no idea when I’d last had one, but it isn’t that mad. It wasn’t always regular. Sometimes it was late, or I missed a month if I was dieting or if she was giving me a really hard time. It’d never bothered me if it didn’t come when it should. But