And Baby Makes Two - Dyan Sheldon [21]
I was still sitting there, staring at the screen, thinking about the last time I’d had my period when the film came on again.
Not this month so far. Not in January. Not in December.
That can’t be right, I told myself. That’s three months. It can’t have been three months.
I concentrated on December first. My period usually came towards the end of the month. But at the end of December I’d gone to Les’s that night when no one was home, and I hadn’t had my period then.
I tried January next. I must’ve had it at the beginning of the month, instead of at the end of December, that’s why I’d forgotten.
But I hadn’t forgotten. At the beginning of January, Shanee and I took her sister Mabel to the water slides as a birthday treat. We’d gone in the water. I didn’t use tampons; I couldn’t have gone in the water if I’d had my period; everyone would’ve thought they were in Jaws.
I sat very still. I couldn’t be pregnant. You can’t get pregnant the first time, everybody knows that. I had living proof that it takes more than sticking a penis in you to make a baby straight away. My sister Dara had to be on her nine millionth time and she still wasn’t pregnant. But if I was pregnant it had to have happened the first time, because we’d only ever really done it once. Plus, I hadn’t had an orgasm, and I was pretty sure that you couldn’t get pregnant without one. Besides, I wasn’t throwing up every morning, was I? No, I wasn’t. I felt absolutely fine. I didn’t want to eat gherkins and chocolate ice cream either. I only cried when I argued with my mother. And my breasts weren’t bigger. I didn’t feel pregnant: I felt like me.
I tried to remember something – anything – from our sex education classes that would give me some clue about being pregnant. But I could only remember one thing: always use a condom.
Pink or Blue, I Love You
“I don’t see why I have to be the one to buy it,” grumbled Shanee. She had her stubborn face on. It made her look about six.
“Because nobody would think for a second that you might be preggers, that’s why,” I said again. “They’ll think it’s for your mother.”
Shanee grunted. “It might’ve been helpful if you’d thought for a second that you might get pregnant.”
“Well, I didn’t,” I snapped. “I made a mistake.”
Shanee was still looking stubborn.
“And what if Mr Arway in the chemist’s says something to my mother?” she demanded. “What then?”
“Oh, for God’s sake.” Shanee was really beginning to get on my nerves. “What’s he going to say?” I asked. “‘Hello, Mrs Tyler. Was the pregnancy test positive?’” I gave her a shove. “Just go, will you? It’ll be fine.”
I pushed, but Shanee didn’t budge.
“I’m embarrassed,” she announced. “What if Mr Arway doesn’t think it’s for my mother? What if he thinks it’s for me?” Everybody thought Shanee was so sweet, but she could have a really mean glare when she wanted to. “You can bet your trainers he’d say something to her then.”
This was a little harder to argue with, since it was actually one of the reasons I wasn’t willing to buy the pregnancy test myself. I didn’t want the old cow to find out before I was ready to tell her.
“No, he wouldn’t,” I said reasonably. “Chemists are like doctors and priests. They aren’t allowed to just blab out your personal secrets to anybody who comes down the street.”
“Lucy Tyler isn’t just anybody,” said Shanee stubbornly. “She’s my mother.”
“I’ll tell you what,” I said, thinking quickly. “If it makes you feel any better, we’ll catch the bus down to Oxford Street and you can buy it there.”
The glare was replaced by a look of suspicion.
“You could buy it there, too,” said my best friend since forever.
“No, I couldn’t. Don’t you get it? If I buy it, they’ll be able to tell I’m the one who thinks she’s pregnant, because I am. But they won’t with you. You’re innocent. It doesn’t matter if anyone thinks you could be pregnant because you can’t be.”
“Innocent isn’t the same as stupid.”
I could feel my lower lip start to wobble.
“Please…” I begged. “Who else can I turn to? You’re the