And Baby Makes Two - Dyan Sheldon [63]
And then I spotted Gary Lightfoot over by the drinks table. He used to be in my form. He’d always been a bit gawky and stupid, but he was a friendly face, so I gave him a smile. It was like waving a red flag at a bull. He was beside me so fast I bumped into the wall.
“Lana,” said Gary. “Long time no see. How’s it goin’?”
I said it was going great. How about him?
“Brilliant,” said Gary. “So everything’s all right?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Everything’s great.”
He was smiling at me like he was posing for a photograph.
“So,” Gary cleared his throat. “Did you have the kid?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I had the kid.” I nodded towards the hall. “She’s sleeping in Shanee’s room.”
“Brilliant.” Gary nodded. “So what’s its name?”
“She’s a girl,” I said. “Her name’s Shinola.”
Gary’s smile started to quiver.
“You what?”
“Shinola. It means beauti—”
“Shinola?” Gary’s smile was all over the place. “You mean like the shoe polish?”
“Shoe polish?” I wasn’t smiling at all. “What are you on about, shoe polish?”
“Shinola,” said Gary. “It’s a shoe polish.”
“No, it isn’t.” Not only was I not smiling, I was hardly moving my lips. “It means beautiful morning. In African.”
Gary gave up trying not to laugh. “No, it doesn’t. It means shoe polish in American.”
I was still trying to explain that it meant beautiful morning or something like that in some language when he suddenly grabbed a nearby boy and dragged him into the conversation.
“Jake,” said Gary. “Isn’t Shinola an American shoe polish?”
Jake grinned. “Can’t tell shit from Shinola,” said Jake.
Gary started cracking up but I just stood there, looking blank.
“It’s a saying. It means you’re really stupid,” Jake explained. “So stupid you can’t tell shit from Shinola.”
“I suppose that means it’s brown,” I said.
Gary spluttered. “Is your baby brown?”
“No,” I said. “Not last time I looked.”
* * *
I didn’t feel much like partying after that. I watched Gary and Jake stagger off, still laughing. It’d take them about two minutes to make sure that everybody knew I’d named my baby after a shoe polish that looks like shit. I got Shinola and went home.
I walked through my front door just in time to hear Les say, “Well, Happy New Year! See you soon!” And then the answering machine started to whirr.
I couldn’t believe it! I’d been at home practically every minute since Christmas Day and the one time I leave the house he rings! I stood there holding Shinola, staring down at the answering machine. A couple of tears slid down my cheek. But then desperation inspired me and I did something I’d never even thought of doing before. I picked up the phone and dialled one-four-seven-one.
It went so fast I wasn’t sure I got the number right. I hung up, got a pen and a piece of paper, and dialled it again.
It wasn’t a Norwich number at all. It was a London number.
Les must be at home. He’d phoned me as soon as he got back. He did want to spend New Year’s Eve with me. It was his surprise. Me and Shinola still had our coats on. I didn’t think twice about it. Thank God my nan’d given me a tenner for Christmas. I just turned right round and went back outside and got a taxi.
I know exactly what I was expecting. I was expecting Les in his yellow shirt with a happy grin on his face and a bottle of champagne.
“I was just about to ring you again,” he’d say when he opened the door. “I reckoned you must be putting the baby to sleep.”
A woman answered the door. She was about Hilary’s age, but her hair was grey. I got this really bad feeling when I saw her. The time me and Hilary got robbed, a coldness came over me the second I stepped through the door. Because there was a cassette on the floor, and I knew it shouldn’t be there. That was how I was feeling now. This woman shouldn’t be here.
“Yes?” She looked from me to Shinola and back again. “Can I help you?”
“Oh,” I said. She was wearing an apron and slippers. It had to be the wrong house. I told the driver Number Seventy-one, but he must’ve misheard me. And I didn’t think to check. “I-I’m sorry to bother you… I was looking