Andy Rooney_ 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit - Andy Rooney [113]
As President, any decision you make affects millions of people. You put thousands of people out of work every time you say, “Cut that.” How do you sleep nights or in a Cabinet meeting knowing someone couldn’t feed his family tonight because of some policy of yours that cost someone a job?
A President can’t go down to the basement of the White House on a Saturday morning and putter around. He can’t decide to climb up on the roof and straighten the television antenna. He never gets the satisfaction of taking a load of trash to the dump. Considering he’s probably the most powerful man in the world, he’s almost powerless to do anything he wants to do. If he does do something he wants to do, some newspaper or television reporter will see him doing it and claim he’s wasting the taxpayers’ money.
It’s nice to have someone concerned about your welfare if it’s a friend but I certainly wouldn’t want a lot of guys running alongside my car every time I started down the street to make sure I didn’t get shot. Furthermore, I’d want to drive my own car. I don’t like to be driven anywhere by anyone. I like to go where I want to go the way I want to get there. The President can’t do that.
You can bet there have been nights when the President sat down after a hard day’s work dealing with world affairs and wanted nothing more than to go to a good movie. Presidents of the United States can see any movie they want right in the White House but that isn’t what “going to the movies” means. “Going to the movies” is getting dressed to go out, driving to the theater, finding a parking place, standing in line to buy the tickets, buying the popcorn and then groping your way down the aisle to find a seat. A President can’t go to the movies. Can you imagine the complaints he’d get if he took the First Lady to one of those dirty, R-rated movies?
There are a thousand things I can do the President can’t. I can go to any restaurant I want to eat dinner or I can stay home and eat leftovers. He can’t do either of those things.
I can wander down a street and window-shop, eat an ice-cream cone or lie down and take a nap and not do anything at all if I feel like it. Why would I want to be President?
For all the power he has to change the world with a snap of his fingers, the President can’t decide to turn over and go to sleep in the morning. He can’t even make a plan for a week from Saturday. His calendar is full for the next four years . . . not just the days, but the hours.
I hope you have a happy and successful time in office, Mr. President, but frankly, you can have it.
The Agony of Flight
I have just taken a memorable trip I’d like to forget.
Because I was going to be in Los Angeles for only two days, I drove from my office in New York to Kennedy Airport so I’d have my car when I returned and could drive home to Connecticut. The parking area is just a minute’s walk across the road from American Airlines.
When I arrived at the airport for a 9 a.m. flight at 7:30, I thought I had plenty of time. Sure. The short-term parking lot was closed for repair. I was directed to a lot two miles from the terminal. By the time I found it, parked and waited for the bus to take me to the terminal, it was 8:17. The baggage attendants outside told me my flight was “closed” and I could no longer check bags. Inside, I waited in line to check my bag anyway. By the time I got to the gate (all flights leave from the most remote gate), it was 8:40 and they were closing the door.
First class for the round trip flight cost $ 2,762.90. Business class cost $1,858.90. A coach seat was $517.90. I flew coach. Airlines make coach so uncomfortable that even people who can’t afford it pay the “business” rate.
In flight, the pilot kept announcing that we were ahead of schedule. We landed nine minutes early, and after being told to keep our seats, we waited . . . and waited . . . and waited. Then came the