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81. They keep talking about how low the rate of inflation is but I notice that when I buy something that cost me only $1.98 last year, it costs $2.42 now.

82. If I’d known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can’t remember a single project I would have started.

83. Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.

84. Lawyers are more interested in winning than in justice.

85. There aren’t many times in your life when your body has absolutely nothing wrong with it.

86. Vacations aren’t necessarily better than other times, they’re just different.

87. When someone tells you, “It was my fault,” they don’t expect you to agree with them. When they say, “You’re the boss,” they don’t mean it.

88. No one who goes to prison ever admits he did it.

89. It gives you confidence in America to hear so many people talk who know how to run the country better than the President.

90. Doctors ought to think of some name for their outer office other than “waiting room.”

91. It’s lucky glass makes a loud noise when it breaks.

92. If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

93. People aren’t called “the working class” much anymore unless they’re unemployed.

94. Most people don’t care where they’re going as long as they’re in something that gets them there in a hurry.

Dislikes 263

95 . Blue jeans cost less when they were called dungarees.

96. When I get sleepy driving, the only thing that really wakes me up is starting to fall asleep.

97. People in Florida talk more about the weather than people anywhere else in the world. I think it’s because weather is what they’re paying for and if it’s good they feel it justifies the expense. If it’s bad they like to think it isn’t as bad as it is some places.

98. Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding the napkins.

99. After thinking something through as well and as completely as I am able, to be sure I’m right, it often turns out that I’m wrong.

Dislikes

Life is pleasant most of the time but there are some things it would be better without. I’ve made a partial list of things I dislike:

—Special or clever license plates with the owner’s nickname on them.

—Magazines that hide their index where you can’t find it. The index to magazine belongs inside the first page after the cover.

—Television commercials for hemorrhoid cures, toilet paper, sanitary pads or dental adhesives. Newspaper ads for these same products don’t bother me.

—Flip-top beer and soft drink cans.

—People who take up two parking spaces with one car.

—Anything stapled together.

—Announcements in the mail that I’m the potential winner of a million-dollar sweepstakes.

—A space that’s too small on a form where I’m supposed to put my signature. I scrawl when I write and if I have to put it in a little space, it isn’t really my signature.

—Having to open a new can of coffee when I only need two tablespoons more.

—Telephone answering machines with messages at the beginning that are too long or too cute.

—Newspapers with sections that have different numbering systems from the main news sections. There may be no good way to handle this problem but that doesn’t stop me from disliking it.

—The middle seat in a crowded airplane.

—Trunks of cars that have to be opened with a key. Why can’t I leave the trunk of my car unlocked if I want to?

—Religious quacks on radio and television thinking up new ways to take money from ignorant listeners and incidentally from legitimate churches.

—Dirty magazines prominently displayed at a newsstand.

—A cart in the supermarket with a wobbly wheel.

—Waiting in line to pay for anything.

—Secretaries who say, “May I ask what this is in reference to?” when you call their boss.

—Admonitions from weathermen to “drive safely.” All I want to know from them is whether it’s going to rain or not. I’ll decide how to drive.

—Recipes in a bag of flour that you