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opining on all things praiseworthy, annoying, and worthy of inspection, was aired at the end of 60 Minutes. Initially a summer stand-in for “Point/Counterpoint,” a debate segment between liberal writer Shana Alexander and conservative columnist James Kilpatrick, by the end of the season “Three Minutes” had become “A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney” and had assumed the primetime spot. The people had spoken. Andy Rooney’s no-nonsense approach to life hit a nerve. With “A Few Minutes” Rooney firmly established himself as a beloved contrarian, a man who liked to poke holes in common wisdom, remind his viewers of values worth upholding, moments worth relishing, and the rewards of skepticism. In its past thirty-one seasons, “A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney” has won millions of fans. Broadcast from Rooney’s paper-strewn, lovingly cluttered walnut desk at CBS (a desk that he built), Rooney’s on-air time is a refreshingly clear-eyed look at the perils and joys of the world we live in.

The Man Behind the Desk

Introducing Andy Rooney

To begin with, here are some clues to my character. It seems only fair that if you’re going to read what I write, I ought to tell you how I stand: —I prefer sitting but when I stand, I stand in size 8½ EEE shoes. There have been periods in my life when wide feet were my most distinguishing characteristic.

—When it comes to politics, I don’t know whether I’m a Democrat

or a Republican. When I was young I was under the mistaken impression that all Democrats were Catholic and all Republicans were Protestant. This turns out to be untrue, of course, and I’ve never decided which I am. Those of us who don’t have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading “Confused.”

—I like cold better than hot, rice better than potatoes, football better than baseball, Coke better than Pepsi. I’ve been to Moscow three times and don’t like that at all.

—This morning the scale balanced at 203 pounds. I’m 5'9".My mother always called me “sturdy” and said I have big bones. A little fat is what I am.

—I have an American Express card but often leave home without it and pay cash.

—The following are among the famous people I have met: Richard Nixon, George McGovern, Arthur Godfrey, Frank Gifford, Barry Goldwater, Art Buchwald, Jimmy Stewart and Carol Burnett. I have never met Teddy Kennedy although I’ve seen a lot of pictures of him.

—I have been arrested for speeding.

—I speak French, but Frenchmen always pretend they don’t understand what I’m saying.

—It is my opinion that prejudice saves us all a great deal of time. I have a great many well-founded prejudices, and I have no intention of giving up any of them except for very good reasons. I don’t like turnips and I don’t like liver. Call it prejudice if you wish, but I have no intention of ever trying either again just to make sure I don’t like them. I am sure.

—I don’t like anything loud.

—Fiction doesn’t interest me at all. I haven’t read a novel since Lorna Doone. I meant to read Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea when it came out, but I didn’t. Fiction takes too long for the ideas contained in it. I’m not interested in being diverted from my own life.

—Good ideas are overrated. It makes more difference how a writer handles an idea than what the idea was in the first place. The world is filled with people with good ideas and very short of people who can even rake a leaf. I’m tired of good ideas.

—When I write, I use an Underwood #5 made in 1920. Someone gave me an electric typewriter, but there’s no use pretending you can use

An Interview with Andy Rooney 95

machinery that thinks faster than you do. An electric typewriter is ready to go before I have anything to say.

—I know a lot about wood, ice cream, the English language and Harry

Reasoner. In other areas I have some serious gaps.

—Writers don’t often say anything that readers don’t already know,

unless it’s a news story. A writer’s greatest pleasure is revealing to people

things they knew but did not know they knew. Or did not realize everyone else knew, too. This produces