Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter Colletion_ Books 6-10 - Laurell K. Hamilton [1088]
“If I could have fed the ardeur as it was meant to be fed, then this would not have been necessary. If I could have fed through my human servant, this would not have been necessary. If I could have fed through my animal to call, this would not have been necessary. But you and Richard bind me ’round with rules, you cripple me with your morality, and you force me to do such as I swore I would never do. I have been in the box and been food for my master, and it was the worst thing I have ever endured. And now because you and he had your moral high ground to keep you pure, you have forced me to be more practical than I have ever wanted to be.”
He released me so suddenly I fell back against the floor, slamming an elbow into the stones. He stood over me, as angry as I’d ever seen him, and I had no anger to give back. I finally said, “I didn’t know.”
“That is becoming a poor excuse, ma petite.” He went to the coffin and gazed down at what lay inside. “I gave her my protection once, and this is not protection.” He turned and glared at me. “I do what I must, ma petite, but I take no pleasure from it, and I tire of the necessity of it. If you would but meet me even halfway, we could avoid so much pain.”
I sat up, fighting the urge to rub my elbow. “Do you want me to say I’m sorry? I am. Do you want permission to feed off of me, is that it?”
“The ardeur, yes,” he said. “But in truth, if you are in the mood for it, simply having the marks open and married gains me much.”
He held his hand out to Jason, and for one of only a few times, I saw Jason hesitate before taking Jean-Claude’s hand. Jean-Claude didn’t even look at him, as if his obedience was simply a fact, like gravity. “If she were stronger it would be a more dangerous feeding, but she is very weak, so it will not be so very bad.” The words were comforting, but he never looked at Jason as he lowered the younger man’s wrist towards what lay in that coffin.
I got to my feet, watching Jason’s face. He was pale, eyes wide, breath coming too short, too fast. He didn’t normally have a problem letting vamps feed on him, but I understood. What lay in that coffin was something out of a nightmare. Most of the time if you saw a vamp looking like something made of dried sticks, it was well and truly dead.
Jason pulled on his arm, keeping himself just out of reach, I think. Jean-Claude turned to him, but there was no anger. He kept the one hand on Jason’s arm, and the other he touched to his face, gently. “Would you have me take your mind, before she strikes?”
Jason nodded, wordlessly.
Jean-Claude cradled his hand against Jason’s face. They stared into each other’s eyes, one of those long, lingering stares, like lovers, except I felt the moment that Jason slipped away. I felt his mind release, his will evaporate. His face went slack, his mouth half-parted, eyes fluttering. Jean-Claude kept his hand on the other man’s face, as he guided the wrist into the coffin.
Jason’s body tensed, and I knew that Gretchen had bitten him. But his eyes stayed closed, his face pleasant. I found myself beside the coffin without meaning to be. The dried stick hands raised as I watched, clutching at Jason’s arm, holding him against the mouth. Jean-Claude moved his hand back, as the thing in the coffin pressed Jason’s wrist to its mouth. Blood flowed over that brown skin, soaked the white satin pillow, and still that lipless mouth fed.
The room was suddenly too warm, almost hot. I turned away and found Micah watching me. I couldn’t read his expression, wasn’t sure I wanted to. I looked away from whatever was in his eyes. I didn’t want to meet anyone’s eyes right now. I’d fought so long and so hard not to be what I was. Not to be Jean-Claude’s human servant, not to be Richard’s lupa, not to be anything to anyone. Everyone seemed to be paying the price for that. I hated having other people pay the price for my problems.