Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter Colletion_ Books 6-10 - Laurell K. Hamilton [921]
I looked at him, trying to swallow past the anger. My voice came out squeezed tight. “You’re scared about what will happen to all of you if Jacob takes over.”
He nodded. “Yes.”
“Me, too,” I said.
He looked into my face, studied it. “If Jacob kills Richard in a fair fight, what will you do?”
“Richard isn’t my boyfriend anymore, and I’m not lupa. If it’s a fair challenge fight, then I can’t interfere. I told Jacob if the fight was fair, and after the full moon, I wouldn’t take revenge on him.”
“You won’t avenge Richard’s death?”
“If I kill Jacob, and Richard and Sylvie are already dead, who’ll take over? I’ve seen what happens to a group of shapeshifters who don’t have an alpha to lead them. I won’t let what happened to the leopards happen to the wolves.”
“If Jacob died before he fought Sylvie, then you wouldn’t have to worry about it,” Jason said.
The anger that had been leaking away made a comeback. “You can’t have it both ways, Jason. Either I’m not your lupa—not dominant to you—and thus can’t help you fix this, or I am still your lupa, still dominant to you, still someone you come to for this kind of help. Make up your mind which you want me to be before you get up in my face again.”
“You can’t be lupa, the pack voted you out. But you’re right, it’s not your fault. You had to try and fix yourself before you could fix anyone else. I’m sorry I got in your face.”
“Apology accepted,” I said. I started to go around him through the door, but he caught my arm.
“I didn’t ask you to kill Jacob because you were my lupa, or dominant to me. I asked you because I know you’ve already thought of it. I asked you because I know if you think it’s best for the pack, you’ll do it.”
“Pack business is no longer my concern, so everyone keeps telling me.”
“They don’t know you like I do,” he said.
I pulled away from him, gently. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that once you’ve given your friendship—your protection—to someone, you take care of them, even if they don’t want you to.”
“If I kill Jacob, Richard will never forgive me.”
“He dumped you, right? What have you got to lose by killing Jacob? Nothing. But if you don’t kill him, then you lose Sylvie and Richard.”
I pushed past him. “I am getting really tired of doing everyone’s dirty work.”
“No one is better at dirty work than you are, Anita.”
That stopped me, made me turn back around to face him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just the truth.” I stared into his so-solemn eyes. I would have liked to argue, but I really couldn’t.
I’d thought I couldn’t feel worse about myself tonight. I’d been wrong. Watching the look in Jason’s eyes, hearing him talk about me like that, made me feel worse. This night just couldn’t get any more depressing.
14
DAWN WAS MINUTES away when Jean-Claude came through the door in a robe. “You may have the bed, ma petite, and I will take my coffin. I think your nerves are raw enough without me dying in your arms as the sun rises.”
I’d have liked to argue, because I wanted him to hold me in the worst way, but he was right. I’d had enough shocks for one night. “Nathaniel will stay with me,” I said.
A look passed over Jean-Claude’s face. “And Jason, as well.”
“Why?”
“I do not have the time to explain, ma petite, but please trust me that Jason should be here, too. It is for the best.”
I could feel dawn trembling close, even so deep underground. “Okay, Jason can stay, too.”
Jean-Claude was already edging out the door. “I will tell him on my way to the coffin room. I am sorry to leave you like this, ma petite.”
“Go, it’s almost dawn,” I said.
He blew me a kiss then was gone, leaving the door slightly ajar. Nathaniel was sitting on the corner of the bed, neutral in face, eyes, even body language. He was very good at seeming nonthreatening, soothing almost.
I’d been sleeping off and on for almost four days, yet I was tired, unbelievably tired. I wasn’t sure it was physical,