Artemis Fowl_ The Arctic Incident - Eoin Colfer [62]
CHUTE E116, BELOW LOS ANGELS
The Los Angeles shuttle port was sixteen miles south of the city, hidden beneath the holographic projection of a sand dune. Root was waiting for them in the shuttle. He had recovered just enough to crack a grin.
‘Well, well,’ he grunted, hauling himself off the gurney, a fresh medi-pac strapped across his ribs. ‘If it isn’t my favourite reprobate, back from the dead.’
Mulch helped himself to a jar of squid paté from the Atlantean ambassador’s personal cooler.
‘Why is it, Julius, that you never pay me a social visit? After all, I did save your career back in Ireland. If it hadn’t been for me, you never would have known about Fowl’s copy of the Book.’
When Root was fuming, as he was now, you could have toasted marshmallows on his cheeks.
‘We had a deal, convict. You broke it. And now I’m bringing you in.’
Mulch scooped dollops of paté from the jar with his stubby fingers.
‘Could use a little beetle juice,’ he commented.
‘Enjoy it while you can, Diggums. Because your next meal is going to be pushed through a slot in a door.’
The dwarf settled back in a padded chair. ‘Comfortable.’
‘I thought so,’ agreed Artemis. ‘Some form of liquid suspension. Expensive, I shouldn’t wonder.’
‘Sure beats prison shuttles,’ agreed Mulch. ‘I remember this one time they caught me selling a Van Gogh to a Texan. I was transported in a shuttle the size of a mouse hole. They had a troll in the next cubicle. Stank something awful.’
Holly grinned. ‘That’s what the troll said.’
Root knew he was being goaded, but he blew his top anyway. ‘Listen to me, convict. I have not travelled all this way to listen to your war stories. So shut your trap before I shut it for you.’
Mulch was unimpressed by the outburst. ‘Just out of interest, Julius, why have you travelled all this way? The great Commander Root commandeering an ambassador’s shuttle just to apprehend little old me? I don’t think so. So, what’s going on? And what’s with the Mud Men?’ He nodded at Butler. ‘Especially that one.’
The manservant grinned. ‘Remember me, little man? Seems to me I owe you something.’
Mulch swallowed. He had crossed swords with Butler before. It hadn’t ended well for the human. Mulch had vented a bowel full of dwarf gas directly at the manservant. Very embarrassing for a bodyguard of his status, not to mention painful.
For the first time Root chortled, even though it stretched his ribs. ‘OK, Mulch. You’re right. Something is going on. Something important.’
‘I thought so. And, as usual, you need me to do your dirty work.’ Mulch rubbed his rump. ‘Well, assaulting me isn’t going to help. You didn’t have to buzz me so hard, Captain. That’s going to leave a mark.’
Holly cupped a hand around one pointed ear. ‘Hey, Mulch, if you listen really hard you can just about make out the sound of nobody giving a hoot. From what I saw, you were living pretty well on LEP gold.’
‘That apartment cost me a fortune, you know. The deposit alone was four years of your salary. Did you see the view? Used to belong to some movie director.’
Holly raised an eyebrow. ‘Glad to see the money was put to good use. Heaven forbid you should squander it.’
Mulch shrugged. ‘Hey, I’m a thief. What did you expect – I’d start a shelter?’
‘No, Mulch, funnily enough I didn’t expect that for one second.’
Artemis cleared his throat. ‘This reunion is all very touching. But while you’re exchanging witticisms, my father is freezing in the Arctic’
The dwarf zipped up his suit. ‘His father? You want me to rescue Artemis Fowl’s father? In the Arctic?’ There was real fear in his voice. Dwarfs hated ice almost as much as fire.
Root shook his head. ‘I wish it were that simple, and in a few minutes so will you.’
Mulch’s beard hairs curled in apprehension. And as his grandmother always said, trust the hair, Mulch, trust the hair.
CHAPTER 12: THE BOYS ARE BACK
OPERATIONS’ BOOTH
FOALY was thinking. Always thinking. His mind popped off ideas like corn in a microwave. But he couldn’t do anything with them. He couldn’t even call