Ascending - James Alan Gardner [12]
“In other words, you did something criminal to procure her.”
“Not me personally,” he replied. “Someone else pulled the actual heist: a load of fertilized ova went missing under unconventional circumstances. My family simply acted as go-betweens, finding buyers who’d provide good homes for the misplaced little tykes…and we took several ova off the top as our consulting fee.” He patted the ship again. “You can’t imagine how long I had to suck up to Grandma Yulai before she let me have this one.”
I continued to stare at the Starbiter creature. Uclod called it smart and frisky, but I could see neither quality in evidence. It did not frisk at all; and one does not display much intelligence by sitting in the middle of an intersection. “If this is an animal,” I said, “what does it eat?”
“Oh, this and that. We feed her a mix of simple hydrocarbons, calcium nitrate, small quantities of heavier elements. She doesn’t have much of a digestive system for breaking down complex nutrients, so you need to keep the diet pretty basic.”
“I am not so much interested in what she can digest as what she might swallow.”
“Well, as to that…”
Uclod walked farther around the base of the Zarett, then reached up to touch a bleached-out spot on the creature’s skin. He planted his palm firmly and began to rub with strong circular motions, the way one scours hard at one’s body when one has slipped and got grass stains. The goop beneath Uclod’s fingers made soft slurpy sounds as his hand moved; slowly, the sounds grew louder, until he pulled back and the slurping continued without him. The skin bulged in and out, like a person’s jaw as she chews. Moments later, an enormous patch of the Zarett’s gooey exterior opened wide to reveal a dark throat leading into a darker gullet.
A giant mouth loomed before me, big enough to gobble me up!
Facing A Hellish Maw
The Zarett’s breath smelled exactly like the breath of an animal that eats simple hydrocarbons, calcium nitrate, and small quantities of heavier elements. It was particularly hydrocarbony…and I suspect many of those hydrocarbons had not been sufficiently fresh. Starbiter’s breath was, in short, quite the Fetid Reek. My stomach lurched at the odor, and the only thing that prevented a regurgitory incident was that I had not eaten solid food in the past four years.
Uclod gestured to the creature’s mouth. “After you, toots.”
“You wish me to go inside?”
“There’s plenty of room. A big girl like you should scrunch down going past the epiglottis; but it’ll be clear sailing after that.”
As far as I could see, he was telling the truth: the Zarett’s mouth was big enough for me to enter, provided I ducked under the lips. The throat was very large too—pink and gummy-looking, but with ample room to let me pass. On the other hand, I was not such a one as would calmly proceed into a large creature’s stomach on the invitation of a man who admitted to being a criminal.
“You first,” I said.
Uclod shrugged. “If you want.” He moved to the creature’s lower lip, which was level with his own waist. Planting his hands on the edge, he hopped up and half-twisted, so that he ended sitting on Starbiter’s bottom palate with his legs dangling out of the mouth. The little man swung his feet around and stood up; his backside was damp with saliva. He held out his hand to me. “Coming?”
“To be consumed by this creature?” I asked. “I am not such a fool as you think.”
“Look, missy,” he said, squatting on the Zarett’s lip so his eyes were on my level, “there’s no way my sweet baby can hurt you. She’s engineered to the last little enzyme, perfectly safe and harmless. Here on Melaquin, I guess you’re used to gadgets being electronic or mechanical; but we Divians have a long history of going the organic route. Back where I