Ascending - James Alan Gardner [13]
“So you see,” he continued, “riding in Starbiter is perfectly natural to me. She’s a lovable little gal who won’t hurt a hair on your head. And if you don’t believe me, believe the League of Peoples. They let her come to your planet, didn’t they? Which means she can’t be dangerous. And even if she was dangerous, I’d be crazy to feed you to her…because if I deliberately tricked you into becoming dinner, the League would get after me.”
I stared at him as I thought very hard. Festina had spoken of this League of Peoples: a group of aliens millions of years advanced beyond human technology. These aliens were too lofty to bother themselves with the affairs of lesser species, but they did enforce a single law throughout the galaxy. They never let murderous beings travel from one star system to another; if any such creature made the attempt, it simply died as soon as it left its home system. Festina did not know how the League managed such executions, but she assured me no one ever avoided this death sentence when it was deserved.
Since the League infallibly exterminated “pests” trying to spread into other people’s homes, this small Uclod person (who had just traveled through space without dying) might be an awful lawbreaker, but he was not so wicked as to kill me in cold blood.
“Very well,” I told him. “I shall see what this Zarett looks like inside. But if she does not behave, I shall kick her hard in the stomach. Or wherever I happen to be.”
“Starbiter is always a perfect lady,” Uclod said. He gave me a look that implied he could not say the same about me.
Hmph!
A Question Of Sentience
I was still carrying the Explorer jacket and my lovely silver ax. I laid them inside the Zarett’s mouth, preparing to jump in myself…but Uclod said, “Leave the ax behind.”
“I do not wish to leave the ax behind. I wish to bring it with me, in case there are trees to clear or evil persons to behead.”
The little man sucked in his breath. “You can’t take a lethal weapon into space—the League of Peoples will fricassee us both as soon we go interstellar.”
“My ax is not a lethal weapon. It is a useful tool for chopping wood.”
Uclod made a face. “If you truly thought that, you could probably keep it: the League are such bloody great mind-readers, they can tell peaceful intentions from nasty ones. Good thing, too—otherwise, nobody could take so much as a toothpick from one system to another. A weapon is only a weapon if you think it’s a weapon.” His eyes narrowed. “And since you just mentioned beheading evildoers, we all know what’s on your mind.” With the annoying air of someone taking the role of your mother, Uclod pointed sternly toward the pavement at my feet. “Sorry, toots. You gotta leave the hatchet.”
I wanted to argue with the little man; but it occurred to me, this was not just about my ax. This was a pivotal test of my civilizationhood. The League of Peoples would not want me venturing into space if I was such a one as enjoyed hacking others into small screaming pieces…and if I was prone to fits of violence, Uclod would get into serious trouble for transporting a person possessed of homicidal impulses.
Therefore, this small orange criminal was waiting to see whether I was moral enough to set my ax aside. If not, he would consider me a Dangerous Non-Sentient, unfit to mingle with more polite species. He would say, “Oar, I have reconsidered, and have decided you would be happier remaining on Melaquin.”
But I Would Not Be Happier
I did not wish to remain on Melaquin.
My planet was the most beautiful place in the universe, but it had become exceedingly lonely. There was nobody here except Tired-Brain sleepyheads, and not one of them would be your friend, no matter how desperately you begged them.
In my whole life, I had only known two