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By Root 947 0

be. “This is the heart’s sure release,” as Buddha said. The act of working with our life and our karma, learning to accept whatever comes our way—and even saying “thank you” for it, as some sages teach—is one of the most difficult challenges on the path to enlightenment. Are we able to be open to each experience and every moment just as it is? Or are we always looking for something else, something more, better, or different? Are we able to accept what our families and loved ones give or don’t give? Can we accept what our nearest and dearest do, think, and even wear? Or do we squirm, demand, complain, resent, carp, and argue? The nongrasping heart is naturally open, accepting, and able to say thank you for whatever is. It is the threshold of an unconditional way of being, the supreme spiritual value.

REFRAIN FROM UNWHOLESOME SEXUAL CONDUCT

Sexual energy pulses in almost everything we do. As one of my teachers once said to me long ago, “Sex is part of life.” When I was a young man living like a monk in a monastery in the Himalayas, it was a big relief to hear this from a Tibetan master who was a celibate monk. While sex itself can bring joy, pleasure, intimacy, and even transcendence, sexual repression, sexual identity, sexual preference, and semiconscious sexual behavior often bring conflicts. The Buddha recognized this by embracing and advocating celibacy as one extraordinary method for simplifying life. However he also realized that not everyone can be a monk or nun, nor would that be desirable for society as a whole. He instructed avowed monastics to be true to their chastity vows by sublimating the personal human longing for union and a home into a more transpersonal longing for a higher form of union and homecoming. For lay people, the Buddha advocated restraint through moderation, commitment, and responsibility, and he exhorted us to refrain from sexual misconduct. The question, of course, is how to define sexual misconduct.

The Buddha talked about several activities that he considered unwholesome and out of harmony with truth and reality: adultery, forced or violent sex, sex with a minor. We can be fairly certain that he would have also considered unwholesome any sexual activity that was addictive, exploitive, deceitful, unsafe, irresponsible, or downright harmful.

In these days of shifting sexual mores, there are many new issues: teen pregnancy, wide-scale sexual experimentation, serial monogamy, and life-threatening sexually transmitted diseases, to name just a few. In the past many religions founded in patriarchal societies—Buddhism included—have looked askance at certain forms of sexual behavior such as masturbation and homosexual sex. Yet most contemporary Dharma teachers feel these behaviors are within bounds and karmically workable. Without discarding the underlying values of sanity, love, or decency, I think today’s world asks that we review all of our old positions from an honest, compassionate, nonjudgmental point of view, and take a fresh look at sexual relationships as well as sexual identity. This is one way we can help keep the Dharma alive for all of us.

Many of us still struggle with an inclination to treat sex as though it were separate and disconnected from who we are. Weren’t the majority of us raised to believe that what goes on behind closed bedroom doors is disconnected from everyday reality, as though it should remain hidden in shadow? Don’t we still tend to talk about unconscious sexual drives as though sex is governed by different rules of behavior than everything else we do? If we are going to experience our lives as sacred, we must be open to the possibility of considering sexuality as part of our spiritual evolution. It’s important that we all learn to communicate about our sexual feelings in a wholesome nonjudgmental fashion in order to avoid hypocritical chasms between our words and our actions.

As with other activities, some personal scrutiny and self-inquiry regarding the nature of our sexual behavior, feelings, and relationships could be extremely rewarding. One might wonder: