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By Root 47 0

my father-in-law, his other children, and his current wife arrived at the church and began introducing themselves to other family members. He promptly went up to a woman standing near me and said, “Hi, you must be Janet’s mother. So, nice to meet you,” to the horror of all who were there. Once the shock wore off, she responded, “No, I’m Bonnie, your ex-wife.”

Mackenzie

Provo, Utah

The most embarrassing moment of my wedding wasn’t when the piano player continued to play the wedding march after I had stood at the end of the aisle for over five minutes. It was during the reception, when it was time to “shoot” the garter. My husband, having no idea what to do, did not wait for a group of young, single men to gather. He just took the garter off and proceeded to shoot it at a table of dining guests. The young ring bearer, seeing where it landed, picked it up and ran off with it. This didn’t bode well for the rest of the single men at the wedding, and now an eight-year-old has my garter.

Megan

San Marcos, Texas

The morning after my wedding, the wedding party and family and friends were all checking out of the hotel. My father, fresh out of the shower, looked out the window and saw his friend in the parking lot below. As a joke, he knocked on the window to get his friend’s attention. Unfortunately, his friend didn’t hear him, but my bridesmaid, Tracy, heard it as she walked out of the hotel and looked up to see my father standing naked in the window, banging on the glass as if he was trying to get her to look.

Karen

Los Angeles, California

The parents of the bride showing their support for each other’s forearms.

What guy doesn’t dream of rocking out on a woodwind?

olidays make everyone in the family go a little nuts. Maybe it’s the pressure of getting to the Easter egg hunt on time, the dilemma of finding the perfect Halloween costume, the stress of preparing the annual Thanksgiving feast, or the anticipation of finding out what’s under the Christmas tree. In the name of holiday spirit, we spend an entire day endeavoring to turn a simple chicken egg into a masterful work of art, or wear costumes made by Mom and Dad, who swear to us that being a construction-paper tube of toothpaste will make us the envy of all the kids in the neighborhood. We dress up as Pilgrims and Indians and reenact the most unrealistic version of the first Thanksgiving ever. We find ourselves carrying candles and parading around the neighborhood singing songs about figgy pudding to strangers. But as ridiculous as holidays and their traditions may be, at least the whole family suffers together.

AFP Essential: Oversized props.

Open to interpretation.

Frightening children has long been the mall Santa’s domain, but AFP would like to recognize another awkwardly intimidating holiday mascot: The Easter Bunny. Take a cute, cuddly creature with buck teeth and a big smile, blow it up to giant, freakish proportions, and you’ve got all the ingredients you need to seriously traumatize a child.

Dad was determined not to get egged this year.

This young lady was the only elderly Smokey the Bear in the neighborhood.

Sometimes we forget Halloween is about the children.

The coolest costumes aren’t always store-bought.

Don’t hate him because he’s a beautiful baster.

Hasn’t the turkey suffered enough humiliation?

This is what happens when you wait all year for a freaking Mr. Coffee.

He just got a lot more real.

A reminder to us all to shake responsibly this holiday season.

This young lady took some creative license with her drawing of a snowman.

Me (left) and my sister, dressed up as doilies for Easter. We have naturally very straight hair and these perms were a disaster.

Dorothy and Nancy

Atlanta, Georgia

My dad made the costumes that year, and he felt pretty confident in his abilities. He just laid me out on the ground and traced around me, then cut out the fabric and sewed it together. Unfortunately, he’d neglected to consider how I’d go about lifting my