Awkward Family Photos - Mike Bender [5]
Frustrated, she took me back to the cabin where we were staying and left me to play a board game with my sister, while she tried to figure out what on earth she was going to do with me for the duration of our stay. We had been playing Hi Ho! Cherry-O for a while, and I really had to pee. Really, really had to pee. Lauren kept daring me to leave, but I knew her ways. She was a sneaky cheater when it came to these games. Given my competitive nature, there was no way I was going to let that happen. I figured I would just wait it out, but it was getting pretty difficult. I had a feeling that if I went pee right there, there was a chance nobody would even notice. So I took my chances and peed in my pants. As I finished going, my mom called my sister and me into the other room so that we could take a photo. When she saw what had happened, she was so fed up with me that she made the decision to take the photo anyway. When we returned from our vacation she sent out the picture for a Happy New Year’s card to family and friends. To this day when I am reintroduced to old family friends, they say, “You don’t remember me, but I’ll never forget that picture of you peeing your pants!”
Alex
Chicago, Illinois
here isn’t anything a grandparent wouldn’t do for their grandchild. We’re their pride and joy; our every visit is treated as a holiday where they let us watch TV as long as we want and buy us the fudge pops Mom and Dad won’t let us eat. They take pride in our every accomplishment (real or, more often, embellished) and brag about it to all of their friends. And to show their affection, they give us two-dollar bills, pinch us on the cheek, and tag-team call us. They tell us the same old story about the time we threw up in the middle of a restaurant and then retell it five minutes later. They wouldn’t dream of missing a birth, a graduation, or a wedding, and who else can we count on to take out-of-focus photos of our every move with the camera that’s constantly tethered to their wrist? And they do all this out of love, of course—unconditional love, which is the most wonderful kind. And so although these two early bird specials possess the greatest potential for awkwardness, they are the only people in the family who get a pass. Even in BluBlockers and black socks.
Unconditional love just got conditional.
Just wait till Grandpa hears about video games.
A tribute to the man who’s never afraid to show his affection (even when we are).
You’ve heard of “Mom Jeans"? Introducing “Grandma Pants.”
One moment she’s giving us a hard candy, the next she’s wielding a double-barrel shotgun and loving it. We wonder whether she has a screw loose, but something tells us she knows exactly what she’s doing. You go, Grandma.
It was always difficult for Brian to explain that his grandfather was a vegetarian.
A few years after my grandmother passed away, my grandpa started dating again. He didn’t want to tell anyone because he thought that we would be upset (which we were not), but we all knew that he had been dating his old high school sweetheart, Sue. One day my cousin went to visit him and through the front window saw him sitting on the couch with Sue on his lap. My cousin knocked on the window and waved but instead of coming to the door, he threw Sue off his lap and started yelling. Sue ran off and hid under a table. Then my grandpa came to the door and let my cousin in. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Nothing,” he said. “Are you just here by yourself?” she asked. “Yep, nobody’s here,” he said. She came in and stayed for about twenty minutes, during which time she could see Sue’s feet sticking out from under the table.
Tricia
Nyack, New York
My mother and I went to visit my grandmother at her assisted living facility. I told my grandma about how I had recently quit my job. Her response was, “Don’t worry, I know you’ll find something. In fact, you’re so pretty, I think you could make some money