Becoming Madame Mao - Anchee Min [124]
They meet again when she is taking a short break at West Lake. They happen to stay in the same hotel. Dan has been doing research for Biography of Lu Xun—a movie he dreams of making. They run into each other in the lobby. She recognizes him but he doesn't acknowledge her. She follows him to his room and he is surprised. They shake hands. She is restless that night. A handshake is no longer enough for her. The next time they meet she hugs him. Her arms circle his neck and then her lips seek his mouth.
He freezes but doesn't remove himself. The kiss lasts long seconds. He is a good actor. Finally she lets him go.
They sit facing each other in a teahouse. He compliments her on how good she looks. The highest place is the coldest, she responds, quoting an ancient poem.
His face turns pale but he goes along with the performance. She convinces herself that he is just as interested. They discuss art. She tells him that his role as the Ching dynasty marshal has been her favorite. He asks if she could lift the ban. There is silence. She asks if he has ever thought of her all these years. He smiles and gives no reply at first. After a while he says, Buddha always grants me the opposite of what I pray for.
She smiles. I'll grant what you have been praying for tonight.
He pauses and says, But I have become a man of empty guts.
In my eyes, you are forever the daring Dan. Tell me what happened to you after Doll's House. How is Lucy?
There has been a string of bad luck, he sighs. I was imprisoned as a Communist suspect by Chiang Kai-shek. I was sent to a prison in Xin-jiang Desert for five years. Lucy was told that I was dead and she married my friend Du Xuan. I—
Dan, I'd like to share tears with you tonight. We will drink the imperial liquor I brought from Beijing. We will have a good time. Here—my key.
She waits and imagines. She counts the minutes. Half past ten and Dan still hasn't shown up—he has checked out of the hotel.
The air bites and the water poisons. She feels like she is losing her own feet while plotting to possess other people's new shoes.
For his action Dan is put away. The excuse is a typical Cultural Revolution dunce cap label: Chiang Kai-shek's agent. The cell reminds Dan of a movie set he once was in while playing an underground Communist. The wall is three feet thick and thirty feet into the earth. He lives in total darkness and is given two bowls of thin porridge a day. He is also given tools to end his own life.
For fifteen years Dan fights to see the light. I couldn't even manage to walk a block after I got out, Dan says when he was released after Madame Mao's downfall in 1977. My second wife tried to divorce me. My children demonstrated their resentment by joining the Red Guards. At a public rally my son took a whip and hit me.
How can I tell life from a movie?
***
The footage is disappointing. The direction is stiff and the performance superficial. The lighting has too much shadow and the camera frames the wrong angle. Before lunch I order the production shut down. Everyone is terrified. It makes me feel a little better. But my good time doesn't last. Someone is sticking his neck out for my bullets. What timing! He is a producer. He says we should go on filming. Chairman Mao has instructed us to promote the operas. We shouldn't stop working on the assignment of honor. The biggest idiot in China now is the one who doesn't know how to read my mind. So I order him fired on the spot. You see, I can do this effortlessly. There is no need to beg anybody.
The key actress cries and thinks that she is the reason I am upset. I fire her too. I can't stand pitiful characters! I wish I could fire myself too. This is a horrible role I'm playing. There is no way to make it shine. Nothing is working. My role is laughable. I have the power to shut the nation down but I can't achieve one individual's affection.
Her mood starts to change drastically. Half of the crew members are fired within a month. The productions