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We didn’t let the night end there though. We had left baby Hank in Calabasas with Hank’s parents, which meant we had the night to ourselves at the apartment. After we parted ways with Brittany, we went out for a few drinks and we ended up having such a great time. We went back to the apartment in Studio City and we had uninterrupted date night sex, with no baby around! It was hard to break the habit of being quiet, but we realized, wait a minute, there’s no need! Of course, we still had neighbors and our apartment was so small that I felt like people were listening. I felt like people knew we lived there and if they heard moaning they’d know that was Kendra. It’s kind of like having your privacy invaded, the feeling of it. If someone who was next to us heard me moan, they’d be like, “Oh, my God, Kendra! Kendra’s an alien and she’s having sex. Listen to her, she’s an animal. I knew it!” But we made do.

Chapter 14

The Dance of a Lifetime

Craziest. Experience. Ever.

Confession: In all honesty I didn’t always love performing on Dancing with the Stars. I loved being part of the show and cast, but the dancing took its toll. I did it mostly just for the experience, and, of course, the money! Both things were worth it, but it was barely enough for me to get out of the car each day and walk into the dance rehearsal (many times I just considered turning the car around and not doing it). I was psyched about joining the show, but once those intense practices started, I was knocked out pretty quickly.

Did I want to win? Sure! It’s always nice to win but it’s kind of like the lottery: You don’t expect to win and there’s not much control you have other than luck. Hank’s competitive though; he wanted the mirror ball trophy because guys love trophies.

I wasn’t holding my breath. I’ve never been a dancer. If you’re a dancer, you have it in your blood; that’s your sport. You eat (or rather, don’t), sleep, and bleed for dancing. Still though, I thought I was going to really love it—it’s moving to music and I love to get creative. Dancing can be fun, and I’ve had my share of amazing nights filled with hours of dancing at parties and clubs. I thought I was signing up for a fun little reality show of dancing. What I got was the most intense competition I’ve ever had to be a part of.

I used to always ask Hank, “How come you guys aren’t smiling more on the football field and having fun?” And he always told me that while football is fun, it’s mostly hard work, drive, and a lot of painful sweat. Dancing is fun. Dancing with the Stars is hard work, drive, and a lot of painful sweat.

The first week of filming I thought, “Oh, my God, this is cool.” There were other celebrities I was getting to know. And I was getting into shape from the hours of rehearsals each day. Plus, I was learning a few things. But then by the second week I was well on my way to knowing it was going to be a long road. My body was in pain, my brain was twisted in three different directions from all of the moves I had to memorize, and my confidence was at an all-time low. By the third week I started to get the hang of things and realized my memory and physical ability weren’t all that bad. I was like, “Okay, I’m back up, I can handle this.” That’s basically how this competition went; depending on your scores, depending on your performances and practices and the amount of pain your body was in, you either loved it or hated it. The fourth week came and I got very frustrated, because you can’t really do what you want. You have to play into the show format of ballroom dancing. For someone like me who’s not always used to following rules, let alone being disciplined by a dance teacher, it was a recipe for dancing disaster.

Dancing is definitely something I do for fun, to let loose with friends, to have a good time. But it’s hard to have fun on the dance floor in front of twenty-three million people. I would get nervous and want to cry because I have the worst stage fright ever. I just haven’t found a cure for it yet either,