Being Kendra_ Cribs, Cocktails, and Getting My Sexy Back - Kendra Wilkinson [65]
If I went out there and it was Softball with the Stars, I would have had the attitude of “Hell, yeah!” I would want to wake up every day and do it, because that’s my passion. Dancing in a club with a drink in my hand is me. Dancing around in full ballroom attire complete with makeup on DWTS is fun for one night, but going through the process every day became tedious. I secretly wanted to just for one night wear my own outfit, do my own makeup (or lack thereof), put on my own music, and do my own dance. I know that would have gotten me kicked off the show and the last thing I wanted to do was purposely forfeit. A few weeks into it, even though I was struggling, I knew I had a decent chance of making it far. So I put on the costumes and makeup and held my head high. If there had been judges scoring that, I would have gotten a 10.
I looked in the mirror once before going onstage and I just started to cry—I’m not even referring to the makeup and the hair. I looked at myself in the over-the-top costume with the big hair and heavy makeup and thought, “Is this where my career is going? Now I’m entertaining the world and getting all done up?” Part of me was excited and pumped; after all, they did choose me to be on the show, and week after week people were voting for me. But part of me felt like this is what selling out looks like. Maybe I just needed to buy into this after all. I was collecting a pretty good paycheck, which was a good thing for my family; making new friends; and whipping my body into shape, so my spirits were high, and each week I made it further was a little bit more of a push to get me motivated. And I needed the motivation, because other than childbirth I had never experienced such blood, sweat, and tears. Now I had blood on my feet, sweat all over my body, and tears pouring out of my eyes, and that was just after week one! I may not have been an actress, but on Dancing with the Stars, I had to act like I was capable of doing it. Secretly, I didn’t think I was.
I was out of my element 100 percent but in a way that was good, because you got a chance to see different sides of me. I had to constantly think and challenge myself physically and emotionally. When I’m in my element I’m a little too comfortable.
I tried to be as energetic as possible on the show and not let my stage fright and unfamiliarity with some of the classic dances come through. I also knew that you have to have charisma and energy to make it on DWTS. Of course, it was often very difficult to keep a brave face on.
The night of week four, when it was the Viennese waltz, I got really low scores, my lowest yet. After the taping, the other celebs and dancers, plus my friends and family, tried to console me and offer different advice about what to do: “Don’t do that, do this. Don’t do this, do that.” I ended up crying because it’s overwhelming to have people call you on the phone and reach out a million different ways and say, “Are you okay?” At some point, you start to wonder, “Am I okay? Everyone’s acting like I’m not.” That’s one of the hard parts of being a celebrity: So many people around you are trying to give advice when you don’t ask. It’s not the critics, it’s not the mean people, it’s the people you care about the most who sometimes drive you insane.
If you think you can’t relate to this because you’re not a celebrity, try to think of it as if every day is your wedding day. Everyone’s a celebrity on their wedding day. On your wedding day, everyone wants you to be perfect. But perfection doesn’t exist. America wants their favorite celebrities to be so perfect and a lot of people have this perception that celebrities don’t sweat, that they don’t have acne, and that they don’t get hairs in weird places.