Belly Laughs_ The Naked Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth - Jenny McCarthy [19]
www.ihavetostopbuyingbabyshit.com
(On-Line Baby Stores)
Somebody stop me!!!
There was no doubt about it and even I can admit it: I needed help. My husband tried to find me some rehab, but it turns out that there are no clinics for out-of-control, shopaholic moms-to-be. But hey, if you can’t get out of the house, what else is there for you to do? You shop the Web for the cutest, most adorable baby stuff money can buy. I did. You probably will. I won’t blame you.
For me, the problem began when I registered for my baby shower. A friend told me to register on-line because it would make it easier for me and for those buying for me. So I found a good store on-line and registered. Once I got there, I saw all these links to other baby stores and nursery stores and specialty stores and so on. So I just thought I would take a look-see at some of them. The next thing I knew we had a stack of boxes outside our door. My husband was fine with my spending at first. It wasn’t until the other sixty boxes came that he basically lost a nut. The key to controlling his temper was being smart enough to buy a few “I love my daddy” bibs. I would open up a box and say, “But look how cute, honey; he loves his daddy.”
That trick may have calmed him down, but little did he know that from then on, I had stuff delivered to my sister’s house. I finally slowed down when I realized I had almost spent our nest egg on crap our baby would probably never really appreciate. A word to the wise: Shopping on the Web is always hard to resist, but when you’re pregnant and hormonal and have nothing better to do for the afternoon, shopping on the Web is like entering the Bermuda triangle. It looks fun and relaxing, but you’ll never find a way out. Quit while you’re ahead and toss the computer in the attic the moment you find out you’re in the family way.
Is It Hot in Here or Is It Just Me? . . . It’s Just Me
(Hot Flashes and Fainting Spells)
Pregnancy made me sweat. I think that’s why they say pregnant women glow. I had a constant layer of sweat on my face. Between the slickness of the sweat and my out-of-control body temperature, you could have fried eggs and bacon right on my forehead.
If you’re like me, hot flashes and fainting spells could be some of the first symptoms to let you know that you’re pregnant. I remember standing in checkout lines with sweat dripping down my face. And then I’d get dizzy. I’m grateful I don’t have any embarrassing fainting stories but every once in a while I would get dizzy enough to plow into walls. (Being blond I could get away with it.) If you’re in a stuffy room with no air circulating, you’re asking for it.
If you live somewhere with a cool climate, you’re one lucky gal. Take it from me: Living in any kind of heat (like Los Angeles) while pregnant can wipe a lady out. I got to the point where, in our house at night, I had the air-conditioning on fifty degrees (in nothing but Granny undies—lots of fabric and plenty of coverage but not lots of warmth) while my husband was forced to wear a parka and mittens. He kept complaining that icicles were forming on his nose. Of course, reasonable and emotionally balanced pregnant woman that I was, I didn’t care if he turned into Frosty the Snowman as long as I kept cool.
Without air-conditioning, there was so much heat radiating off me that when my husband and I were in the car, the windows on my side would steam up. The bigger the baby got inside me, the more my thermostat overheated. I kept referring to my body as the Easy Bake oven, but my timer wasn’t going to go off for another six weeks. The closer I got to my delivery date, the more miserable I got. Soon I just had to be naked all the time, which wasn’t a pretty sight. Some people might think a naked pregnant lady is beautiful, but when I looked in the mirror I saw a sweaty, cellulite-filled, hairy-bushed, stretch-marked, miserable pregnant lady.
Let’s recap: