• Choose a category
• All
• Classic-Fiction

By Root 238 0

you. My feeling here is that none of us can afford to be too clear on these issues. This way your beloved will know exactly what you need from him during these growing months. Who knows, maybe these directions will help him help you keep Psycho Chick at bay.

Take My Advice . . .

• Do not stare or gawk at another woman or compliment the way she looks. I know my body is ballooning before your eyes, but if I catch you looking at anyone but me, you’ll kill my self-esteem. And I might have to kill you.

• Do not try to win an argument. It’s completely useless. In fact, surrender now and our lives will be so much easier. I know I’m not making a lot of sense right now, but try to remember that my body has been completely taken over and my mind is not my own. Take heart, I’ll be back a few months after delivery.

• Do not deny me my cravings. Your logic will not convince me that I don’t need ice cream or brownies or noodles now. Even if I claim to want a tin of sardines at three in the morning, you are well advised to get your cute ass to the store and get me some.

• Do not disregard my urgency to pee if you are the one driving the car. It’s much easier to take five minutes and pull over at the gas station than to try to clean your nice leather seats.

• With the exception of my belly, which is supposed to be getting bigger and is supposed to be adorable to you, do not call attention to the other parts of my body that are getting bigger. Even if you think it’s a compliment, I really don’t need the man I love to tell me that my ass looks good with some meat on it.

• Do not hound me for sex when I am not in the mood (if I’m ever in the mood!). Go masturbate. I’m completely fine with that.

• Do not do anything that might awaken the Psycho Chick inside of me. That is, unless you have a compliment that I couldn’t possibly misinterpret, don’t provoke me with unprompted conversation.

• Don’t ignore me when I’m blue. This may be more often than you think humanly possible, but remember that this is when I need a hug the most. Yours is the shoulder I most want to lean on.

A portion of the proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to The Candies Foundation to support its mission to educate teens about the consequences of teenage pregnancy.

For more information, go to http://www.candiesfoundation.org.

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Da Capo Lifelong Books was aware of a trademark claim, those designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

Copyright © 2004 by Jennifer McCarthy

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Set in 11-point ITC Garamond by the Perseus Books Group

Cataloging-in-Publication data for this book is available from the Library of Congress.

First Da Capo Press paperback edition 2006

eISBN : 978-0-738-21128-2

Published by Da Capo Lifelong Books

A Member of the Perseus Books Group http://www.dacapopress.com

Da Capo Lifelong Books are available at special discounts for bulk purchases in the U.S. by corporations, institutions, and other organizations. For more information, please contact the Special Markets Department at the Perseus Books Group, 11 Cambridge Center, Cambridge, MA 02142, or call (800) 255-1514 or (617) 252-5298, or e-mail special.markets@perseusbooks.com.

—