Best Friends Forever - Irene S. Levine [16]
She describes the relationship as one of “fire and passion.” Jess admired her best friend, a charming and charismatic person who was fun to be with and who attracted friends like bees to honey. “My connection to such an outgoing, fun-loving friend drew me into her social limelight, too,” she says. Sometimes, she thought Merry’s antics and practical jokes were over-the-top, but never once were they directed at her or were they done at her expense.
She spent a lot of time at Merry’s home and grew close to her friend’s family as well. “Her dad was a great guy; he reminded me of my father,” says Jess. “He was a professional athlete—very loving to her, although I think he spoiled her. She always thought of herself as Daddy’s little girl.”
Years later, when the two women both ended up applying to Stanford University, their friendship slowly started to unravel. Merry was accepted under early admission but suddenly changed her mind about going after she learned that Jess was later accepted to the same university. Jess found it hard to believe that Merry didn’t want to be at the same school as her best friend and didn’t know what to make of it. Merry opted to attend an Ivy League college on the East Coast, and despite the separation, the two remained long-distance friends, calling and visiting each other.
Jess didn’t think twice about asking Merry to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, and was glad Merry was there on her special day. Several months afterwards, Merry left for London, where she began dating a lawyer. About a half-year later, Merry and her new boyfriend returned to the States to live in Los Angeles. The boyfriend wound up moving in with Jess and her husband in the Sherman Oaks neighborhood for a short time, and Merry moved into a tiny apartment with a female roommate.
“The threesome living arrangement, with her boyfriend living at our apartment, didn’t last long,” says Jess. “We found out he was surfing porn on our computer each day while we were out at work. He even brought a gorgeous French woman to our apartment, ostensibly to see our dogs. That’s when we confronted him and asked him to leave.”
Merry ended up getting engaged to the guy anyway, and the two moved in together. She invited Jess and her husband to their destination wedding, which was taking place in Italy, because Merry’s mother was born there. Through the wedding planner, Jess made arrangements for a babysitter to stay with her then-infant daughter. “Not long after we purchased plane tickets, I received a long e-mail from Merry’s father suggesting that we not attend,” says Jess. She was stunned.
“I was in tears, unsure of what was happening,” she says. “Was I actually being disinvited?” When she called to find out what was happening, Merry’s dad said that the perils of traveling with a newborn in Europe would be too much for them as a young couple and for the baby. The excuse was so far-fetched that Jess didn’t know what to make of it.
“I was completely shocked and wrote an e-mail back saying that I had never been so hurt and disappointed in my life,” says Jess. When she confronted Merry, her friend wasn’t explicit about whether the “disinvite” had been her idea or her dad’s. The long and short of it: Jess could only conclude that her best friend, who had been her bridesmaid, didn’t even want her to take part in her wedding.
Neither Jess nor her husband could ever understand what had happened. With indignant anger and consternation, Jess blurted out the story to everyone in their circle of friends, but it still felt like a terrible loss that no one else could explain or understand. “She is someone that I have fond memories of from my college years, and it’s sad that we aren’t best friends any more,” says Jess. Years later, Jess still thinks about what happened from time to time.
One possible explanation: More than once Merry seemed to cut off her relationship with Jess at the point of her making a significant life transition. At