Best Friends Forever - Irene S. Levine [36]
With time, Gwen was probably better able to accept the separation because it was precipitated by an identifiable trauma, the car accident. It gave her an alibi to explain the lost friendship to herself and others. She believed that the trauma of the accident made it extraordinarily difficult for Sara to maintain or revisit the friendship. But even this semi-ambiguous ending left Gwen with unanswered questions about what happened to her friend and whether their friendship had been real at its core.
Of course, not every breakup story has such a clear-cut cause as Gwen and Sara’s. One such breakup story is that of Amy and Alexa. Amy, now 32 years old, had been a close friend of Alexa’s since her early twenties. The women met when Amy became Alexa’s boss in a small company where they both worked. “I interviewed and hired her, but as time went on we grew friendly outside the office,” says Amy. They stayed overnight at each other’s homes after evenings out and shared intimate details of their personal lives (especially about men and the traumas of dating).
Amy was a few years older than Alexa and became somewhat of a mentor to her friend. “Alexa was delightful, a highly intelligent person who made me laugh so much,” Amy says. She encouraged her protégé to take risks, to advance her career, and tried to protect her from any landmines along the way. Alexa had a vulnerable side that appealed to Amy because it reminded her of herself during her younger years.
“We had a lot of fun, danced, sang, and cried (if crying can be fun), and went through a lot together, at that kind of key twenty-something time when you’re falling in and out of love—the classic heartbreak and party years,” says Amy. “When she was sad and sick, I gave her massages.”
When the two women were assigned to work in different locations, they had less time to spend with one another. While their careers were on separate tracks, Amy still considered Alexa a good friend, always acknowledging her birthday and congratulating her on her successes. They got together several times a year, and each time it felt as if they had never been apart.
Then Amy made yet another career move, to the UK from the States. She heard later through common friends that Alexa had moved overseas as well, but to a different part of the UK. Both women had married Americans, and Amy was excited about the prospect of reconnecting to share their common bonds and experiences.
Amy contacted Alexa by e-mail. “Her first response was courteous but lukewarm,” says Amy. “I visited her region for several months as part of my work, and tried to see her while I was there. She brushed me off repeatedly. I knew she was due to have a baby, and was also holding down a very pressured job, so I didn’t take it too personally, although warning bells sounded,” she says. Since Amy and Alexa were now close geographically, both expats and old friends, Amy thought it odd that her friend seemed to put off their getting together.
When she returned to the States, Amy sent e-mail messages and birthday greetings, but Alexa didn’t respond. “In a way, that was better than the lukewarm messages she sent me earlier, which were painful. After two or three years of still sending messages (even after they were met with stone silence), I finally realized I had to give up,” says Amy.
Amy has no idea why her friend disappeared from her life. “I know she had some big mother issues that she may have projected onto me, but don’t we all?” Amy taxed her memory to figure out what had gone wrong. She thought that something had soured the friendship for Alexa, perhaps a remark that had made Alexa angry more than a decade ago and which, from Amy’s perspective, was part of the past.