Best Friends Forever - Irene S. Levine [62]
Friends: Just What the Surgeon Ordered
Every year, about 15 million Americans undergo surgical procedures. Whenever anyone goes under the knife, even for an elective procedure, it is likely to be a time of great stress. Whether the surgery is for breast cancer, an ovarian cyst, or a cosmetic procedure, female friendships can help ease an otherwise difficult journey. Friends can provide physician referrals, listen when you need a second set of eyes and ears to interview a doctor, and provide a potent dose of caring and cheer at your bedside.
A 2008 study published in the Journal of the American College of Surgeons confirms that a strong network of family and friends can even ease postoperative pain and anxiety, and speed recuperation. “Strong social connectedness can have a tremendous impact on patient recovery by helping blunt the effect of stress caused by postoperative pain, as well as ease concerns about health, finances and separation from family members,” says Allison R. Mitchinson, MPH, was one of the co-authors.
The researchers studied more than 600 patients undergoing major thoracic or abdominal operations at two Veterans Affairs’ medical centers. Prior to surgery, the patients responded to a questionnaire that elicited the numbers and frequency of their social contacts. Patients with smaller social networks reported significantly higher preoperative pain intensity, unpleasantness, and anxiety.
Yes, it’s always tricky to know how to console someone after a loss, just as it is difficult for someone to depend on her friends, to be able to ask for their help, or to show her appreciation. But everyone needs a little help and nurturance from their friends, especially at times like these. Think about what you would want if you were in the same situation.
SEEING THINGS DIFFERENTLY
Sometimes two friends see things differently—based on their respective upbringing, experiences, backgrounds, personalities, race, ethnicity, sexual orientations, or a host of other factors—and must work to understand each other’s points of view for the friendship to last. Jewel, 28, described a sensitive racial issue with her friend Charlene that could easily have threatened the relationship if it hadn’t been addressed head-on.
“Charlene is a woman of color and kind of ambiguous ethnic origin to people who don’t know her,” says Jewel. “Perhaps because of our young age when we met, this had never been a topic of conversation or concern between us.” A couple of years ago, the two friends were together when a third person asked Charlene whether she was an American. Perhaps unwisely, Jewel jumped in to defend her friend and said Charlene was more American than Jewel herself because Charlene’s family had been in America for more than four generations. (Jewel is white, but her mother was an immigrant)
That remark triggered an intense discussion between the two friends. “She said my comment hurt her, because she felt that for as long as we had been friends, I had tried to ‘whitewash’ her so that she better fit in my world,” says Jewel. Jewel was shocked because the thought had never crossed her mind. “I thought I was defending her, not hurting her,” she says. Then Charlene brought up at least five other instances when she felt like Jewel had tried to “treat her as white” and ignore her heritage.
Although it was exceedingly uncomfortable at first, this conversation turned out to be very productive for he friendship. If they hadn’t had it, Jewel would never have known Charlene had been feeling the way she did, and the resentment might have built up and had a negative impact on their friendship. “I was able to address all her specific worries and we both felt better (and closer) afterward,” says Jewel. Since then, Jewel is especially