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This approach might backfire if your friend is very persistent and demands an explanation, but at least you tried.

LET IT FIZZLE

Another perfectly legitimate way to extricate yourself from a less intense friendship, especially if the contact is infrequent, is to simply let the relationship fizzle by making yourself unavailable until your friend gets the message. Ignore her e-mails, phone calls, or text messages. (Of course, this won’t work if you and your former BF are used to speaking in person, on the phone, or online multiple times a day.) When you do see each other, just tell your friend that you’ve been preoccupied or busy with other people.

One woman and her friend were in an uncomfortable situation where they continued to see each other every day so she just kept her distance, being cordial and friendly but nothing more. Over time, the two women became more estranged and it was easier for both of them to eventually let go.

THROW HER AN ANCHOR

If your friend is in a challenging life situation—battling depression or addiction, reeling from a divorce or other loss, or recently diagnosed with a serious illness—extricating yourself from the relationship may be extraordinarily difficult because you feel guilty. You may rationalize that she needs you, has no one else, or that the timing isn’t right. Or you may recognize that your friend has moved away from you and wants nothing more than to crawl under the covers.

Before you cut the cord, it might be useful to suggest other resources to your friend that can substitute for, and perhaps be even more helpful than, your friendship. There are numerous organizations that sponsor support groups and/or online forums that provide an opportunity for people to connect and share a sense of community based on similar experiences.

You might also want to confide to a third party that you feel drained by the friendship, need a break, and aren’t able to provide all the support your friend needs. You can identify a spouse or other relative and make them aware of the situation so your friend has someone else available to her.

While there’s no universally accepted etiquette or protocol on how to break up with a friend, if you unilaterally decide to end a friendship without leaving room for discussion, there are some precautions you can take.

PREPARING FOR THE AFTERLIFE

You need to prepare yourself psychologically for the possibility of bumping into your ex-friend somewhere: in a supermarket, at the park, at the hairdresser, at the post office, or even at a restaurant or hotel when you are on vacation. In an essay in New York magazine, author Amy Sohn talks about the ubiquitous fear woman have of running into an ex-best friend.

It’s normal to worry about such encounters but your worries can be quelled if you are prepared to handle such a scenario should it occur. What should you do and how should you behave when you run into her? Act appropriately. This means acknowledging you know the person by saying hello, smiling, or nodding—but not engaging in a conversation or more than that. Once you are mentally prepared and have rehearsed your role, you no longer have to fear it happening.

Even if you are the decider who dumps your friend, the emotional fallout of a lost friendship shouldn’t be minimized. It doesn’t heal easily or quickly. Women are left singed or even scarred by their losses. Some refer to it as one of the most difficult situations they have ever been through. One woman described having panic attacks every time she saw someone wearing a coat that looked similar to that of her ex-friend. Others are obsessed with how their friend looks, what she is doing, or what she is thinking.

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

• Think through what you will say, when, and how.

• Take responsibility for your decision rather than blaming the other person.

• Be as honest as the circumstances allow.

• Make every effort to leave the other person as emotionally whole and unscathed as possible.

When two women