Between Here and Forever - Elizabeth Scott [55]
“Are you sure?” Clement says, looking at me closely enough that I get nervous and give him my usual angry smile, all bared teeth. He smiles back and keeps looking, like he knows what I’m thinking. How I’m feeling. Next to him, Eli casts one quick look at me, and then returns to staring at the bread.
“At least let me make you a sandwich,” Clement says, motioning for me to come into the kitchen. “Eli and I have eaten enough ham to last us a thousand years.”
“That’s okay. I’m not really hungry, and I—with the ferry and stuff, I have to get there, so …”
“Oh,” Clement says, sounding surprised. “Well, let me and Eli walk you out, all right?”
I nod, a little worried about what saying good-bye to Eli might be like, but it turns out I don’t get a chance to talk to him at all because Clement actually does walk me to the door, chatting about the hospital as Eli trails behind him.
“See you tomorrow?” Clement asks, patting my arm, and when I nod again, he says, “Good. I’ll look for you. I’m working at the information desk because Phoebe Van Worley’s gone off to see her daughter, who just had a baby.”
I look back after I walk out and the last thing I see is Eli peering at me over Clement’s head—he’s taller than Clement is—a tentative smile on his face.
I smile back, but remember how I forgot Tess as soon as I’ve taken my bike out of Clement’s car. I head into Milford and pass the hospital feeling terrible, but it’s too late to stop now. If I do, I’ll see my parents, and I can’t bear the idea of sitting there watching them watch Tess.
I can’t bear for them to know that I haven’t seen her today.
I ride down to the ferry, and see Claire three cars up. I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone, though, and don’t ride up to her after we’ve all boarded.
Instead, I sit on my bike listening to the brisk slap of the water against the ferry, and as we leave Milford I head up to the front of the boat to watch it, weaving around Claire’s car.
I’m not thinking about the water, though. I’m not even thinking about Tess.
I’m thinking about Eli, and how we almost kissed.
Is it a good thing that we didn’t? The sensible part of me says yes. Putting aside the Tess thing, which I can’t, of course I can’t, there’s the fact that I—
I can’t think of anything to go there other than that I’m scared. I don’t want what happened with Jack to happen to me again. I don’t want to fall and break my own heart.
“I know what you’re thinking about,” Claire says.
I turn, startled, and see she’s standing right next to me.
“You didn’t come in today,” she says, and smiles at me. “Where were you?”
I shrug.
“Clement was looking for someone too,” she says, still smiling. “I heard him asking about Eli—guess he wasn’t around either. I wonder where he was?”
I shake my head at her. “That’s what you’ve got? You have to get better at this if you ever want Cole to talk to you once he’s past, say, six.”
“You were with Eli, weren’t you?” Claire singsongs, and when I flush, says, “I knew it! Tell me everything, with many details, as I have no life.”
“There’s nothing to tell. I saw him, we talked, and now I’m here talking to you.”
“Saw him where?” she says. “And you should hear how you said ‘talked.’” She drops her voice down on the last word, filling it with innuendo.
“It wasn’t a big deal.”
“Which means it was.”
“Claire.”
“Abby,” she echoes back at me, and then nudges me with her elbow until I look at her.
“What?” I say.
“You deserve to be happy, you know,” she says. “I know everything’s changed because of Tess, but it doesn’t mean you have to stop living. Just because she’s not—”
“Don’t say ‘not here.’ She is here. You see her almost every day. Just because she isn’t awake doesn’t mean—”
“That’s not what I was going to say,” Claire says. “What I was going to say is that just because Tess isn’t able to go back to her life right now, you don’t have to give up yours.”
“Nothing to give up,” I say, forcing my voice to sound