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By Root 255 0

you at every opportunity just how much more bike-friendly cities like Copenhagen and Amsterdam are, and how evil and car-dependent America is. The Europhile Righteous Cyclist is also very well versed in civic issues and is either an amateur city planner or else is employed by or volunteers for some sort of advocacy group, and probably rides either an authentic Dutch city bike or else some studiously retro steel bike with a basket on the front that never has anything in it. Also, all of these cyclists will take great pains to remind you that they don’t have a car, unless they can afford to own a car or a parent or relative gave them a car, in which case they will provide a lengthy rationale and tell you how they never use it.

Even though the Righteous Cyclist is outwardly completely different from the Triathlete, the fact is they are held in contempt by some because, just like the Triathlete, the Righteous Cyclist is a high flight risk. If a Triathlete only rides a bike because it happens to be part of a triathlon, then a Righteous Cyclist only rides a bike because it doesn’t use gas and is perceived as “green.” However, if something greener comes along, who’s to say they won’t leave the rest of us behind? It’s difficult to ascertain how many of them are just a cleverly worded pamphlet away from defecting to Rollerblades.

Why other cyclists don’t like them:

They’re smug.

Compatibility with other cyclists:

Generally incompatible with competitive cycling and especially with Mountain Bikers and Cyclocrossers, due to the car use.

The Lone Wolf

The Lone Wolf is that proud breed of cyclist who adheres to no style code and obeys no commonly held beliefs with regard to equipment choice. He (or she, but almost always he) is immune to trends, and is untroubled by the fact that it’s considered bad form to wear a helmet with a visor for road riding, or that knee-high sweat socks look kind of funny with Lycra half-shorts. This is because he rides alone, and he’s arrived at all his cycling-related conclusions by himself instead of gleaning cues and bits of advice from the other cyclists on the group ride.

The Lone Wolf might ride anything from a high-end road bike, to a dual-suspension mountain bike, to some kind of hybrid comfort bike. But whatever he chooses, it will feature some aberrant element that makes it clear it’s a Lone Wolf’s bike. If it’s a road bike, that element might be a giant gel saddle and a suspension seatpost. If it’s a dual-suspension mountain bike, that element will probably be a pair of slick road tires or an abundance of rearview mirrors. (Lone Wolves love using off-road bicycles for road use.) And if it’s a hybrid, it might have dual disc brakes and a suspension fork. Some riders use the right tool for the job; others use the wrong tool for the job. The Lone Wolf, though, adapts the wrong tool for the job.

Also, he likes to ride in clean white sneakers.

Indeed, there’s a certain proud beauty about the Lone Wolf. When you see him, vintage Sony Sports Walkman velcroed to his bicep, bar-ends extending proudly from his riser bars like elk’s antlers, and CamelBak mouthpiece wending its way around his stout midriff, you can’t help but admire his rejection of—nay, his indifference to—cycling’s traditional folkways. As his name suggests, he usually rides alone, but you may also see him at large charity rides or centuries, as he can be drawn into the pack by promise of free food at rest areas.

Why other cyclists don’t like them:

All cyclists like the Lone Wolf—or at least respect him.

Compatibility with other cyclists:

Avoids other cyclists, though will appear at a charity ride like a coyote stealing food from a campground in the desert.

Contraption Captains

Well over a hundred years ago the bicycle realized its current form, and it has remained largely unchanged ever since. However, there are some intrepid souls who refuse to accept this, and who embrace alternative designs for human-powered wheeled vehicles. And by far the most popular alternative “bicycle” is the recumbent.

The recumbent strikes fear