Bike Snob - Anonymous [56]
That said, there’s a different point for every rider at which the misery of the cold outweighs the pleasure of riding. As you learn the tricks of dressing, that point can get lower and lower, but it still exists somewhere. Speaking strictly for myself, when it comes to deciding whether or not to ride, I use the “movie system”:
1903:
The Great Train Robbery comes out. It’s one of the first movies, but it doesn’t really hold up today. Three degrees Fahrenheit*—stay inside.
1915:
D. W. Griffith’s Birth of a Nation is released. It’s somewhat recognizable as a movie and you might watch it today if you’re desperate, but it’s silent and all that stuff with the Ku Klux Klan is pretty disturbing. Fifteen degrees Fahrenheit—you might be able to ride, but it’s probably not worth it.
1927:
The Jazz Singer is one of the first movies to incorporate sound and dialogue. Now we’re getting somewhere. Though it still seems pretty archaic, you might actually want to sit and watch it if there’s nothing else on. Twenty-seven degrees Fahrenheit—sure, I’ll head out.
1934:
W. C. Field’s It’s a Gift may still be a little old for some, but it’s one of my favorite movies. Thirty-four degrees Fahrenheit—it may be cold for some, but it’s above freezing and I won’t hesitate to ride.
1940s:
It’s a Wonderful Life, The Razor’s Edge, all those Hitchcock movies—it’s getting much better out there. Forty degrees Fahrenheit—I’m out there on the bike, no question.
1950s:
Still a little dry for some, but come on: On the Waterfront! Fifty degrees Fahrenheit—yep. But you still need a hat and jacket.
1960s:
This decade starts with The Apartment and ends with Midnight Cowboy. There’s something for everybody. Sixty degrees Fahrenheit—nobody should hesitate to ride in the sixties.
1970s:
Starting with Bananas, A Clockwork Orange, and The French Connection, the seventies then brought us Jaws and Star Wars, and finally ended with Alien, The Muppet Movie, and Star Trek. It’s truly a great movie decade with something for everybody, but the franchise thing is also beginning to take over. Similarly, most people find seventy degrees comfortable, so pretty much everybody with a bike is out there. Basically, the seasoned cyclist is sharing the road with the fair weather opportunist, much like The Deer Hunter shared the cinema with Saturday Night Fever.
1980s:
The Police Academy franchise has begun, along with Steve Guttenberg’s rise to prominence. Eighty degrees Fahrenheit—I’ll certainly ride, but I’ll complain about the heat. Crotchal conditions mirror the cheesiness of Guttenberg’s oeuvre.
1998:
Krippendorf’s Tribe. Oof. Ninety-eight degrees Fahrenheit—maybe I’ll just stay inside in the AC and watch W. C. Fields movies.
Despite my own opinions as well of those of random Web sites written by people in Minnesota and the Dakotas that document riding in all sorts of absurdly frigid conditions, there’s nothing wrong with skipping the bike when you’ve reached your personal cold cutoff. Though certain religions would have you believe differently, the fact is the universe does not award bonus points for unnecessary suffering. Just carve out your comfort zone and enjoy it. Personally, I think pretty much any cyclist can ride easily and comfortably in any weather warmer than fifty degrees Fahrenheit (or ten degrees “Celsius,” whatever that is), and as long as the temperature’s above freezing it’s still not too hard for the majority of people to enjoy riding their bikes provided conditions are favorable otherwise. Once you start to experience things like freezing nose hair and icy genitals you may question whether you want to continue. This is a personal choice, and a freezing crotch is certainly not for everybody. And no rider should judge another based on crotchal temperature preference.
Of course, with cold comes rain’s albino cousin, snow, as well as water’s frigid half sister, ice. Again, depending on your personal threshold, you