Bike Snob - Anonymous [57]
But cycling misery doesn’t just come in the form of cold and wetness. It can also come in the form of heat. And while there aren’t many things you can do to your bike to keep you cooler, when it comes to attire you can always adopt the time-proven technique of Wearing Less Stuff. Also, if you’re cycling for transportation as opposed to recreation, you can put a rack or two on it. Carrying stuff on your bike will keep you way cooler than keeping it in your ultra-trendy, oversized messenger bag with the sweet graphic on the front flap. And if you’re commuting and have a place to change, carry a change of clothes with you. Even if you don’t want to commute in cycling shorts, you should probably try to wear them under your regular pants or shorts when it’s really hot out. Wet cotton is simply not good for the crotch, especially if you’re a guy. Riding in cycling shorts and changing at your job or school can go a long way towards avoiding a condition called tinea cruris, or what the French colloquially call “Jacques itch.” Crotchal dryness should be your number one goal.
Crash Pain
At some point, you’re going to fall off your bike. This can happen any number of ways. For example:
—A car can hit you
—You can hit a car
—You can get “doored”
—You can hit a pedestrian
—You can slip on ice
—You can slip on oil
—You can ride into a stationary inanimate object
—You can crash in a race
—You can fall over at a stoplight because you forgot to clip out of your new clipless pedals
Most of these things have happened to me. Sometimes you get physically hurt, and sometimes the only thing wounded is your dignity. I fell over without clipping out of my new clipless pedals at an intersection in Chinatown that was teeming with both Chinese people and tourists, all of whom came together from across a vast cultural divide to point and laugh at me. I’m sure someone’s got some pictures of it in a drawer in Toledo. The most important thing is to know that you can crash at any time, and also to know that, while it’s occasionally out of your control, oftentimes it’s something you could have avoided. So pay attention. It feels a thousand times worse when you crash and hurt yourself due entirely to your own inattention or ineptitude. It’s always better to have someone to blame.
How to Not Crash
Crashes are inevitable. However, you do have a good deal of control over the frequency of your crashes. Here are some things I’ve learned, from years of crashing into things and being crashed into by things, that can dramatically increase the intervals between mishaps.
Look
A leading cause of crashing is crashing into stuff. As such, it is extremely helpful to look at your surroundings at all times while riding, so you can identify the things into which you do not want to crash. These things include trees, old ladies carrying groceries, approaching buses, and shark tanks. If you’re too busy texting, or picking a song on your iPod, or simply admiring how sweet your new Vans look in your new silver MKS toe clips, you’re not going to see these things, and consequently you’re almost guaranteed to hit them. Remember that scene in Jaws where they cut the shark open and the license plate comes out? Just imagine a severed foot in an MKS toe clip instead. Shark bites happen to be the 749th most common cycling accident, just before alien probings and just after jackalope bites.
Use Brakes
Of course, seeing stuff is only half the battle. You also need to be able to