Bike Snob - Anonymous [69]
4 Though many food delivery people only ride bicycles incidentally, there is also a food delivery subculture in New York City and their mountain bicycles are just as stylized as the fixed-gear subculture’s track bikes and freestylers. Like their mono-cogular cousins, these bicycles also feature extensive color coordination, chopped bars, tilted saddles, and even Aerospoke-esque wheels. However, the high-mounted motocross-style filth prophylactics are unique to this breed. Alas, if food delivery people were as romanticized as messengers (or, indeed, at all) then this could very well have become the face of the cycling trend.
Photo courtesy of Landis Cyclery, Scottsdale
1 From Mellow Johnny’s Bike Shop in Austin, Texas: Lance Armstrong’s Motorola team bike hangs above the heads of customers trying on shoes like the sword of Damocles—if that sword were an Eddy Merckx made by Litespeed and subsequently rebranded as a Caloi.
From Mellow Johnny’s Bike Shop in Austin, Texas: Lance Armstrong’s Motorola team bike hangs above the heads of customers trying on shoes like the sword of Damocles—if that sword were an Eddy Merckx made by Litespeed and subsequently rebranded as a Caloi.
The World’s Greatest Madone: the heart of a racer, the accessories of a commuter, and the price tag of a Honda Civic.
The past and present of urban fixed-gear cycling go head-to-head on the streets of New York. Where once an old road frame was repurposed as a minimalist city bike (right), now brand-new expensive track frames are the norm (left). I’m not sure if they’re glowering at each other or Eskimo kissing.
Inevitably the cyclist aquires lots of spare parts. When this happens, you can always sell or trade them, but another good way to reduce the clutter is to introduce a new (or in this case used) frame. Frames can be aquired inexpensively, and, like waving a magnet over metal filings, a frame will pick up all those useless components. Plus, building a bike is a fun and edifying experience. Here is my “Ironic Orange Julius Bike” when it was just a fetus.
The now-indispensable Ironic Orange Julius Bike in its natural habitat—New York City.
Similarly, while I cannot stand top tube pads, I can certainly appreciate the companionship and security potential of a top tube-mounted dog.
Just as cycling will help simplify your life, a good economic recession can help simplify the roads. Are we, as a society or as cyclists, worse off for the high cost of gas, or the bankruptcy of GM, or the repossession of the Giant Purple Party Mobile? I certainly don’t think so. Sure, its absence may mean that pimps and prom guests may now be forced to carpool, but if anything there is now room for 40—50 more bicycles. And there’s no reason pimps can’t ride bikes as well.
A lot of people—including me—will tell you what to do with and on your bike, but in the end it all comes down to what works for you. And if someone else doesn’t like it, just tell them what they can do. AYHSMB.
Photo credit: Tod Seelie/suckapants.com
Epilogue
When I was in the fifth grade, I left Mrs. Orlovsky’s class to use the bathroom, and I returned a few minutes later to find I had just been nominated for class president. I never learned what had happened while I stood in front of that urinal or why I was chosen, since I was new to the school and pretty much kept to myself. I can only imagine that some random classmate who liked me put my name forward, or, much more likely, my nomination was some kind of practical joke.
Now, I had no interest whatsoever in being class president, but since I had not yet cultivated the skepticism and ability to shirk responsibility that have since helped me avoid countless tedious situations, I soon set about preparing for the election. I figured my classmates had put their faith in me, and I should do my best to justify that faith. Furthermore, if I was going to be occupying an office as important as class president, I thought I had better use my position of influence to make a change for the better. So