Blood Noir - Laurell K. Hamilton [133]
I hugged his arms. “I’m sorry, Jason, I’m so sorry. I did to you what you just saved me from.”
“Being able to call him as your wolf is probably what broke you free of Marmee,” Richard said.
I looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
“She controls cats, including tigers, but not wolves. Why didn’t she just keep you, if she’d mind-rolled you that completely, Anita? Maybe because when you called a wolf to you, she couldn’t fight you both.”
“She’s the night made flesh, Richard; trust me, Jason and I aren’t powerful enough together to kick her out of anything.”
“Thanks a lot,” Jason said.
I patted his arm. “You know what I mean,” I said.
“The connection between a vampire and their animal to call is more than just the strength of the two. It doesn’t just double your power, it makes both of them more than just the sum of their parts, Anita. It’s like…” He seemed to grope for the right word, and finally settled for, “Trust me, Anita, both the vampire and the wereanimal gain a lot more than just combined powers.”
“Is that how it is with you and Jean-Claude?” I asked.
He nodded.
“So if Anita hadn’t bound me to her, then we might still be trapped by the Mother of All Darkness?” Jason asked.
“One of the reasons Jean-Claude sent me was to use wolf to break Anita free, but you’d already done it.”
“But I’m compelled to touch Micah and Nathaniel, and you. Jason and I like each other, but it hasn’t changed since we woke up.” I turned in Jason’s grip and tried to see his face as I asked, “Has it changed for you?”
“No,” he said. “I might have been disappointed before I felt Richard’s version of the ardeur. Now I’m just grateful.”
“You have a lot more control over your powers now, Anita. A lot more than when the ardeur first rose, or when you marked Damian and Nathaniel. I mean, we didn’t even know you could do that, then.”
I nodded. It made sense, sort of. “So I can make people my beast to call, without being compelled to move in with them?”
“I think so.”
That actually made me feel better. Good that something did.
He stood up. “I’m going to get Jamil and Shang-Da, and fly back to St. Louis.”
“Anita needs you here,” Jason said, “it’s why Jean-Claude sent you.”
“She has a wolf that she’s metaphysically tied to in you.” He held up a hand. “I’m not jealous; okay, I am, but not like your face says, Anita. The ardeur has risen for me for the first time. I need to get home to Jean-Claude before it happens again. We’re just lucky that my version is narrowly focused.”
“You mean just on Anita,” Jason said.
Richard frowned at him.
I patted Jason’s leg, trying to tell him not to help too much. “It may not be that narrow a focus, Richard. I’d be careful around any woman you’ve had serious thoughts about. Not just sex, but marriage.”
“I’m not—”
“Please, Richard, you want to be married. It’s been my experience that when someone wants to be married that badly, they find someone.”
“I want it to be you,” he said.
I sighed. “I know, but that’s not what I want.”
“Are you really serious that you’ll never marry?”
I looked up at him. “If you mean monogamy and till death do you part, then no.”
“Someone will come along, Anita. He’ll sweep you off your feet, and you’ll want what I want, just not with me.”
“I think Anita is like me, Richard,” Jason said. “I think she likes to keep her options open.”
Richard shook his head. “I’ve got to get out of here.”
“Richard,” I said.
“No, Anita, if Jason hadn’t interfered I would have done exactly what you accused me of. Hell, if we’d been in Vegas, I could have talked you into marriage. I can still taste how compliant you were. I’ve never felt you so willing, so…weak.” He shook his head, and took a step back from us. “I don’t trust myself not to try again. That’s the truth, and I need to get farther away from you until it’s not the truth.”
I’d have liked to argue, but couldn’t. He went to the door, then paused with his hand on the knob. “I love you, Anita.”
In that moment, still wrapped in Jason’s body, I said the only truth I was sure of. “I know.”
He nodded, opened the door, and went out.