Blood Noir - Laurell K. Hamilton [4]
Jason had his head against Nathaniel’s shoulder, and a hand on my leg. At least he, like most of the men in my life, was cuddlier than most. I appreciated that.
Jason’s voice came flat, empty, as if he were afraid to let his voice feel anything. “My father’s dying of cancer. My mom called last night just after Perdy and I broke up.”
I exchanged a glance with Nathaniel. His wide eyes let me know that it was news to him, too.
“Jesus, Jason, I’m sorry,” I said.
“We hate each other, of course, and now the cold bastard’s dying and I won’t have time to forgive him before he dies.”
“What can we do?” Nathaniel asked, softly.
He smiled, a little weak, a little watered down, but he managed it. I thought it was a good sign. I hoped it was. “You really want to know?”
“Name it,” I said.
He smiled again, but his eyes flinched, as if I’d hit him instead of told him I’d do anything he wanted if it would take the pain away.
“Perdy isn’t here to tell me don’t, or to tell you don’t. I’m a free man again.” He tried for a laugh, but it was a sound more like a sob.
“I get it,” Nathaniel said.
I frowned at him. “Then explain it to me, because I don’t.”
“He wants to have sex with you again.”
“What?” I said.
“Perdy can’t tell him, or you, no anymore. You can be lovers again.”
“You mean now, like in right now?”
Nathaniel gave a half-shrug. Jason moved his head off the other man’s shoulder. He dropped his hand away from my leg.
“It’s okay, Anita, I’ve fucked this up. I know this isn’t the way to approach you. But my head is so ugly tonight; I just can’t seem to think clearly.”
He pushed to his feet and started for the doorway.
I opened my mouth to say don’t go, and yes. I closed it without saying any of it out loud, and looked at Nathaniel. I frowned at him. He was more than just my sweetie. The ardeur made me a sort of living vampire who fed off sex, but with the downsides came some interesting upsides. Nathaniel was my animal to call, which meant he was like my familiar. We shared emotions, power, and sometimes thoughts. “You’re projecting inside my head, aren’t you?”
“You can shut me out if you want,” he said.
Jason hesitated just short of the doorway. He frowned at us both. “I’m missing something.”
I looked into the face of a man that I loved. “Is this really what you want?”
“He’s my friend.”
“You know, most guys don’t want their girlfriends to sleep with their friends.”
“If you’d never slept with Jason, that would be different, but you have. Why is it wrong to sleep with him tonight?”
I opened my mouth to say something reasonable, then closed it, because for the life of me, I couldn’t come up with a clearheaded answer. Why was it wrong to sleep with Jason tonight? Because I hadn’t planned on it? Because it felt slutty? Were any of those reasons good reasons?
Jason stopped in the doorway, caught between the light of the kitchen and the darkness of the living room beyond. “I’ve made you feel sorry for me. I’m not sure I want that to be your motivation for taking me to bed.”
“Once upon a time, you wouldn’t have cared why you got to sleep with me.”
“I was a slut, I know.”
“I didn’t mean that, Jason.”
“Stay here tonight,” Nathaniel said.
He half-turned so he could see us, but his face was still mostly in shadow. “Why? Why do you want me to stay?”
I shrugged at Nathaniel, with a this-was-your-idea expression.
“Because you’re our friend. Because we care about you.”
“And you, Anita, what’s your motivation?”
I looked up at him. There was something defiant about the set of his shoulders, as if he expected me to hurt him. I tried very hard not to do that. “It just seems wrong for you to walk out the door right now. Stay, if the sex is an issue, then just stay for a big puppy pile. We can actually just sleep.”
He shook