Blood Noir - Laurell K. Hamilton [5]
That made me uncomfortable. “I don’t know what to say to that, Jason.”
“Say you want me.”
I started to say something, but Nathaniel touched my hand. “He needs the truth, Anita.”
“And what is the truth?” I asked, taking my hand away from his.
“Tell him how you feel, really feel about him.”
I took a deep breath and thought about the truth; what was the truth? “You are one of the best friends I have, Jason, and you shouldn’t be alone tonight.”
“Jean-Claude would let me sleep with him.”
“But you wouldn’t let him hold you while you feel miserable.”
“How do you know I wouldn’t?”
“Call it a hunch.”
He stood frozen in the doorway as if he couldn’t decide, or as if part of him wanted to and part of him didn’t. I’d made him come to me to hold his hand. Now I went to him.
I wrapped my arms around him. He stayed stiff and unyielding. I pressed my head to his shoulder. “Stay with us tonight, Jason, please.”
He whispered against my hair, “Why?”
“Because you want to.”
“Not good enough,” he whispered.
“Because I can feel how much it would hurt Nathaniel to see you leave tonight, and know that you didn’t have anyone to hold you while you slept.”
“It’s not sleep I want, Anita. I’m afraid to sleep. I’m afraid I’ll dream. Last night was…bad.”
I lifted my face up to look at him. “You found all this out last night?”
He nodded.
“Bad dreams?” I made it a question.
“The worst; something about the news about my dad just raked a lot of shit up.”
Nathaniel’s need pushed at me, almost staggering in his desire to have Jason stay. I tried to shield against him, but realized that one of the reasons I couldn’t shield was that I agreed with him. A large part of me felt Jason should stay. Nathaniel was right; Jason was already on my list of lovers. Why was it wrong for me to admit that it was fun to sleep with Jason? Why was it always wrong for me to admit that I simply wanted to be with someone? Not because I had no choice, but because for once, I did?
He kissed my forehead. “I’ll go home.”
I hugged him tighter, kept him in the doorway. “It would be lovely if you stayed.”
He looked startled. “You sound like you mean that.”
I nodded. “I do.”
He smiled, and it was a shadow of his usual one. “Somewhere in there did you actually say please?”
I smiled at him. “I think I did.”
“I’ve never heard you ask a man to please stay with you.”
“I don’t usually have to.”
“Stay with us tonight,” Nathaniel said.
I nodded. “Stay.”
“The bed will be a little crowded when Micah gets home.”
“He’s out of town,” I said.
“A new wereleopard wanted to join our pard. He’s off interviewing,” Nathaniel said.
Jason nodded. “I like Micah, you know that.”
“But he’s not your best friend like Nathaniel is, and he’s not a girl,” I said.
Jason nodded again. “Tonight, I don’t really want an audience.”
“Damian is even sleeping over with his latest vampire lover,” Nathaniel said. “We have the house to ourselves.”
Some tension I hadn’t been aware of slid away from Jason. “I love everybody, but sometimes the group thing gets a little old. It was one of the things I liked about Perdy, at first.”
“You don’t want a group orgy every night, but you don’t want to be monogamous either,” Nathaniel said.
Jason nodded. “I am so fucked.”
“Not yet,” I said, hugging him, “but we can fix that.”
He grinned at me, and it reached his eyes. “Bedroom, bathroom, living room, or kitchen?”
“The kitchen floor is hard and the tile is cold. Why not just go to the nice soft bed?” I asked.
Jason looked at Nathaniel.
Nathaniel answered the question. “Jason has made love in a bed and only a bed since he started being with Perdy.”
I frowned, then looked at Jason, still in a loose hug with me. “I understand no shower or bath sex. Mermaids have trouble retaining human form in water, but nothing but the bed?”
He shook his head.
“Standard positions, too?” I made it a question.
He nodded.
My eyes widened. “Oh, Jason, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” I hugged him tighter.
He moved back so he could see my face. “With all the bad news