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Introduction

TO SUCK OR NOT TO SUCK: THAT IS THE QUESTION

MOST PEOPLE SUCK at performing oral sex, and for no good reason. This guide is based on the premise that oral sex can—and should—be outrageously fantastic every time. The poor quality of much oral sex being performed today can be baffling at first, but it becomes more understandable when one considers the factors involved. There are a plethora of psychological and social reasons that the tongue tickle hasn't been cultivated as a talent, but more often than not, a simple want of skill and knowledge is to blame.

When you engage in oral sex, you're taking the most delicate, vulnerable part of your lover's body—their genitals—and placing them between the most potentially vicious, animalistic part of yours—your teeth. The mouth is made to gnash, process food, and ward off harm. It's a wonderfully human quirk that we also use it to give pleasure. Ironically, this distinctively human trait has been characterized by previous generations as dirty and uncivilized.

I don't need to argue here about the importance of great sex to the health of a romantic relationship. We've all seen TV shows and movies that portray sex and passion as über-racy, with bodies writhing in satin sheets under perfectly dimmed lighting, as if little elves had benevolently prepped the room for a perfect orgasm. But if sex and romance are overvalued, oral sex is all too frequently undervalued in the media and culture at large.

Still occasionally stigmatized as “dirtier” than straight-up coitus, the power of oral sex for sustaining and deepening a romantic relationship often gets overlooked. Sharing pleasure, as in intercourse, and giving pleasure have very different effects on a relationship, simply because they have very different effects on your partner. Being able to give pleasure to your partner, unselfishly and lovingly, can be more important, and plays a different role in your interpersonal dynamic. Oral sex is special in that it makes the other person feel cared for, tended to, and looked after. If actions speak louder than words, oral sex is like speaking through a megaphone when you tell your partner that you like and enjoy them.

Yet somehow, despite all this being so, most people don't perform oral sex as well as they could. But it doesn't have to stay this way—we can choose to raise the status quo. It just takes a little effort.

Oral sex must be performed properly to be effective and enjoyable. Unless your mouth is strong and controlled, there's a limit to how much pleasure you'll be capable of giving your lover.

Drawing on my experiences with patients, I can tell you that an average person trying to perform truly exquisite oral sex would have a very high likelihood of slackening their jaw control while they tried to keep up the muscular action of the tongue, leading the jaw to close in what could be a very painful mishap. The most pleasurable moves require a level of expertise that most of us simply don't have. When it comes to oral sex, we need more than a list of good ideas, no matter how tantalizing those might be.

Another problem with this “significant, beautiful” human act is that few people are willing to give oral sex its due. When it comes time to go down, some people flat-out avoid it, while others treat it like a chore. But in terms of sexual satisfaction, this is outright pleasure sabotage, given that many people view oral sex as actually more pleasurable than intercourse. It's time to face it, folks: oral sex may be your most powerful sexual tool.

Because your partner can lay back and focus all of their attention on the sensations you're giving him, oral sex is a highly memorable sex act. So, when things have been heating up and it's time to dive between the sheets (or unzip in the middle of the living room, as you prefer), before you perform oral sex, ask yourself how you want to be remembered. As someone who can give pleasure generously, or