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assumed correct tongue positioning. But it's highly unlikely: out of more than 10,000 patients I've seen, not a single one walked into my office with their tongue correctly placed. Most of them didn't even know that there was a correct position for the tongue. But take heart—tongues are easy to get to know. They have simple needs that are easily satisfied. And you and your partner are going to get a lot out of this new acquaintance. Speaking of which, here's a list of side benefits to these exercises that could lure the biggest couch potatoes on the planet to open their mouths and exercise their love tools:

You'll Feel Better

Much of your body's tension goes into the face, neck, and shoulders, and stays there. We grind our teeth. We can't get our sinuses unclogged. We get short of breath sooner than we should, not from exertion but from not breathing properly. All these symptoms can be exercised away.

You'll Look Better

With your jaw muscles balanced, your tongue in the right place, and your swallowing patterns corrected, your face in repose will be at its most symmetrical and unstressed, so your features can appear to their best advantage. When you smile, talk, sing, or make love, you won't be contorted, look tense or appear worried, because your face will stop storing muscular tension—you'll be radiating charm instead of strain.

You'll Sound Better

Your voice will have a wonderful resonance, both richer and rounder than you've probably ever heard it. It will be sexier, more commanding. When you open your mouth to speak, your voice will have more tonal assurance, making people more likely to want to listen and respond to you.

Furthermore, if you snore (or if you're one of the thousands of unwitting youngsters who will begin snoring in the next twenty years), performing these exercises and keeping your tongue correctly positioned will eliminate the possibility of a single little snore—or even a midnight chortle—ever escaping your lips. When the tongue is positioned correctly, your mouth is physiologically incapable of snoring.

You'll Know More

You'll be able to check out a great deal about a prospective lover in advance—by the time you've completed the exercises in this book, a quick tongue reading, an assessment of face, mouth, and voice will tell you all that you need to know about a potential oral sex partner.

Now that you are familiar with these basic notions, it's time to start preparing you to deliver lifelong ecstasy. Many oral sex lovers are inadvertently lopsided—either they have lots of enthusiasm and lack the required skills, or they have some know-how but no panache. The following chapters are dedicated to making sure you're a well-rounded lover.

1

You Have to Walk Before

You Can (Unzip His) Fly:

Preparing Yourself to Find (and Swing)

Your Partner of Choice

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come

there are so many books on how to?

—BETTE MIDLER

IT WOULD BE a cause for celebration if we were born with the natural and intuitive set of sexual skills that we all pretend we have. Without stating it outright, our culture—via our parents, the media, and our peers—implies that sex and sexual skills should come naturally, with all but the most advanced techniques being instinctive. You'd never expect someone to hit a perfect tennis serve without lessons and practice, or to play a beautiful sonata on an instrument they've only touched a couple of times. Yet somehow, most of us come to maturity with the expectation that sexual skills will magically develop in the presence of our naked lover, that this lover will likewise experience a spontaneous onset of spectacular proficiency, and that it will all unfurl as smoothly as a movie montage.

Where do real-life Don Juans get their savoir faire? There's only one way: practice, practice, practice. Some people try to pick up tips from their friends, but while you may have an friend or two with information to spare, the likelihood is that you're dealing with what literary criticism calls an “unreliable narrator.” (I personally stopped