Blue Belle - Andrew Vachss [93]
"The Mole. The guy you met tonight? He's a genius. Like you wouldn't believe. I'll have him make me a jacket. Line it with the right stuff. I'll find Mortay. He'll do what he does. And when he hits, there's a big bang and it's over."
She was crying, her head on my chest. "No, no, no…"
"Don't take this from me," I said. "If I could figure out another way, I'd do it in a minute. But I looked in his eyes. There's nobody home there. I can't take a chance. If I try and I miss, my people will go down. And it'll be me who did it.
"I could live with jail again, Belle. But if I miss this freak, I couldn't live with myself. I'd have nothing to come back to."
"Why can't you…?"
"What? Call the cops? Have us all move to the mountains? I'm going to try, okay? I don't want to die. I'm not good enough with my hands to take him out. For a minute, when I was in the shower, for just a minute, I let it run in my head. Thought the answer was there. There's a reason for this freak being connected to the Ghost Van. It's all patterns. If I could hook into his, maybe I'd have a handle to twist him with."
She pulled back, watching my face as if she could see past my eyes, big round tears on her face. Glass beads—they'd shatter if they hit the floor.
"You'll try?"
"I'll try, sure I'll try. I don't have much time. I have to put it together…but maybe it doesn't fit. Maybe there is no pattern."
"But you'll try? You swear?"
"I swear. But I'm cutting you out, Belle. Right now, nobody has you with me. You can be out of here in a few hours. I've got some money. I'll give you a number to call. It'll all be over in a few days, one way or another."
"Get some sleep, baby," she said, kissing me on the lips.
108
I FELT the heat. My eyes snapped open. My head turned to the side.
Belle stood naked in front of me, my eyes on a level with the triangle of her hips, the soft pelt between them.
"You think you're being a man?" she asked.
"I'm being myself. Trying to be myself."
"I won't stop you. I love you. But you can't stop me either."
"What're you talking about?"
"I'm in this. I'm with you. Whatever way it plays."
"I told you…"
"What're you going to do, big man? Beat my ass? I like that, remember?"
"Belle…"
"You know why I like it?" she whispered. "Yes. Yes, you do. I only let two people hit me in my life. Sissy. And you. She loved me, and I wanted you to love me too. Own me. Take care of me. Rescue me, like she did. You don't want to live in this world alone. I understand what you said. I listened to you. I'm not running away, make some fucking phone call, find out if you're dead."
"Do what I tell you."
"I'll take your orders. I'll take whatever you have. But only if I'm yours, understand? I'm in this."
"You're not."
"I'm in this, you bastard. You can't stop me. You let me in this, you let me help you, I'll obey you like a slave. I'll do whatever you say. But if you don't, I swear I'll go back to work tomorrow night. And I'll tell every man in the place that I'm your girlfriend. I'll tell my boss. I'll put it on the street. I'll take an ad in the fucking newspapers, I have to! You don't want me in the pattern, you have to let me in your life."
I propped myself on one elbow, looking straight ahead. "You big, stupid bitch." It was all I could say.
I wasn't watching her face, but I could feel the flash of her smile. "I'm a beautiful young girl," she whispered, "and you taught me that. I'm a woman. Your woman. And you're going to see just what a stand–up woman is all about."
I closed my eyes again.
109
WHEN I came around again, Belle was standing in the same place, hands on her hips. "What time is it?" I asked her.
"Time to get up," she said, kneeling down next to the couch, pressing her mouth against me, hands fumbling at my belt. I stroked her back, smooth and moist, like she just stepped out of a bath. She smelled of jasmine.
She unbuttoned my shirt, her face against my chest. The necklace shone against her skin. She licked my chest, my belly. Then she took me in her mouth.
I knew what she was doing. I knew it wouldn't