Bonnie - Iris Johansen [40]
“I didn’t let him hurt Catherine.”
“But Joe said you took a chance on a risky throw. Why?”
“I wasn’t thinking, dammit. I couldn’t believe it was happening. I meant to aim for his back.”
“But you aimed for his hand.”
“It was too late to—” He drew a deep shaky breath. “I could have killed him with that bowie if I’d struck his back. I couldn’t kill him, Eve.”
“I know. And that’s why I don’t want to expose Joe and Catherine if you’re faced with that choice again.”
“But you’re willing to risk yourself,” he added mockingly. “It appears you’re not as smart as Joe and Catherine. Where’s your sense of self-preservation?”
“You’ll do what you have to do. I’m not afraid no matter what choice you make.”
“How fatalistic,” he said. “I’m not sure I like your attitude. You were always a fighter, Eve.”
“Who says I’m not now?” She shrugged. “But I guess I am a fatalist in this. I’ll do everything I can to survive, but this time I may not have any say in it.” She stared him in the eye. “And you might not either. It could be that’s why we’re supposed to be together.”
“Don’t be melodramatic. We’re not going to die,” he said. “I won’t accept any of that bull.” He was silent a moment. “I don’t want to die. There was a time, when I thought I might be the bastard who had killed Bonnie, that I didn’t want to live. I thought I should burn in hell. Then Catherine came along and told me in her less-than-gentle way that I was an idiot to take Black’s word, anyone’s word, without positive proof and kicked me into high gear. She said she’d learned a hell of a lot about me when we were playing cat and mouse while she was stalking me in those woods in Wisconsin. If she didn’t believe I was capable of killing Bonnie, why should I? She convinced me. I’d fight to live now.” He frowned. “If I’m not to blame for it after all. I’ve just remembered something Jacobs said when I was questioning him. He was blaming everyone but himself for Bonnie’s death. Including me. He said it was my fault.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t latch on to the blame before this,” she said in exasperation. “Dammit, you said he was blaming everyone. Why should it be your fault if you didn’t kill Bonnie?”
“But it was my uncle who killed Jacobs. Who might have killed Bonnie.”
“Then it was his crime.”
“Maybe.” He pulled onto the entrance ramp for Mobile airport. “We’ll have to see, won’t we?”
CHAPTER
7
“FORGIVE ME, FATHER, FOR I HAVE sinned. It’s been six weeks since my last confession.” Ted Danner closed his eyes as he bowed his head in the confessional. “It wasn’t my fault, Father. I did what I should have done when a demon tries to do evil. You’ve always told me I have to fight the demons.” He added bitterly, “I know you meant the demons inside me, but I can’t win those battles. But even if you don’t believe me, there are other demons, and I can sometimes win over them.” He could feel the tears well to his eyes. “What else could I do? It was a wicked demon, and I had to strike out before it devoured John, Father Barnabas. It had teeth that were sharp as knives.…” He swallowed as he remembered the blood gushing from Jacobs as his knife went into his chest. “I’ve tried so hard to hide from them. But I’d warned this demon that he mustn’t do evil. I did warn him, Father.”
“I know how you’ve fought them, Ted.” Father Barnabas paused before asking, “Just how did you strike out?”
“I don’t remember.” It was not the truth, and he’d have to confess that the next time he came to confession. Lying was only a small sin. But he couldn’t tell the priest what the demon had forced him to do. Father Barnabas was the only one who could save him, and this sin was too great to forgive. He might not intercede for him and he’d be left to burn in hell. That couldn’t happen, God listened to priests. “Forgive me, Father. It wasn’t my fault. I left him alone for years, but I couldn’t do it any