Brave Story - Miyuki Miyabe [244]
“Wait a second…” Wataru began, startled by the sudden criticism. “I don’t think those things…”
“Oh, I know, I know,” Dr. Baksan said, holding up his hands. “You are brave. You are kind. You think well of others, and your friends. You have a good heart. But within you there is also hatred, jealousy, and the will for destruction. This is a fact you must learn to accept. You cannot turn your back to it and hope to run away.”
Wataru stood there dumbfounded, when a memory emerged that made his jaw tighten and snapped his eyes wide open.
How could he forget the events he had seen in the Swamp of Grief? He remembered his ghostly twin, the one who killed the image of his father. And, later, how he witnessed the senseless slaughter of Lili Yannu, and how he ran from the stone-baby who accused him of murder.
Was that part of my truth too? Maybe it hadn’t been an illusion after all. Maybe it was a part of himself he hadn’t noticed until now.
“It is not only you. All people are like this. There are no exceptions. No one can have a perfectly good heart. If someone did, he would doubtlessly be capable of doing more harm than evil itself. If there were a Vision made by a heart such as that, you wouldn’t find me going there anytime soon.”
“Dr. Baksan…” Wataru began. The strength went out of his legs. “Are you saying that the hate, and the rage, the prejudice, and the desire for sacrifice in my own heart are causing pain to the people of Vision? If I left, if I went away, would the bad things go too?”
“Not at all, not at all.”
“So then what do I do? How do I fix it?”
Dr. Baksan took a step toward Wataru and took his hand into his own. “It is all within you. Vision exists as a reflection of the entire being that is you. Go on, knowing this fact. Let yourself and your heart wander in your search for the way to the Tower of Destiny. In your doubt lies the true path.”
“That doesn’t make any sense!” Wataru cried, trying to free himself from Dr. Baksan’s hands, but the tiny scholar merely tightened his grip.
“If prejudice and destruction and hate are you, then friendship and kindness and bravery are you as well. If the one who does not wish to be sacrificed is you, then so is the one who feels anger at a Goddess who demands that sacrifice. If the fellow who disdains other races and wishes to pin the injustices of the world on them is you, then so, too, is the one who would give his own life to save that of a friend. Your life has been in danger many times since you have come to Vision. Yes, there are those here who would kill you. Yet, at the same time, there are those who seek to aid you, and save you, without a thought for their own personal gain.”
The followers of the Old God. The guillotine. The ankha boys who dreamed of a day when they would rule the south.
Meena’s song. Kee Keema’s smile.
It all came from me.
“Look at yourself. Hatred and anger, kindness and bravery. They are all yours, and rightly so. Accept this, face it straight on, then ask yourself what it means to change your destiny. When you have your answer, the way to the Tower of Destiny will be open to you. By the time that path opens, you will know what you must ask of the Goddess. You see, you will not find your answer from the Goddess. It is the path to the Goddess that is itself your answer.”
Wataru shook his head. “But what about the sacrifice? I can’t accept it. I can’t imagine it happening to someone else, and I sure wouldn’t want it to happen to me! If I could, I would go to the Tower of Destiny right now and ask the Goddess to stop it once and for all.”
“And then you would return to the real world,” Dr. Baksan said quietly. “You would go back to the real world, your destiny, and yourself, unchanged. The desire that brought you to Vision in the