Brave Story - Miyuki Miyabe [246]
Hope.
“Mom?” This time he made sure his voice was loud and firm.
Kuniko’s eyes opened wide in surprise. “Wataru!” she exclaimed. With both hands she yanked off her comforter and jumped out of bed. Wataru ran to her with his arms outstretched and hugged her tight. It had been a long time—years even—since he had hugged her like this. He noticed immediately how thin and sickly she was.
“Wataru! It’s you, isn’t it?” she said, rocking back and forth, tears streaming down her smiling face. Then she let go and held her son’s face in her hands. She looked into his eyes and said, “You came home! Where did you go? Why did you leave?” She was sobbing loudly.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” Wataru said. He was crying too. It felt like his heart had swollen to fill his entire body. A strange mixture of tears and joy filled every part of his body.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you alone. I never stopped thinking about you.”
“Where have you been? Did someone take you? Did you run away? Were you scared?”
Wataru wiped his eyes with his sleeve, and, holding his mother’s hand, stood up straight. “Mom, I’ve started on a journey—a journey to change my destiny.”
His mother blinked, uncomprehending. “What’s that? What are you talking about? I don’t understand. You’re going on a trip by yourself?”
Then she spread his arms and looked him over from head to toe. “What are these clothes? Why are you wearing this costume? Is that a sword at your waist? What are you doing with such a dangerous thing? Where did you get that?”
The Corridor of Light won’t be open for long. I have to hurry. Wataru stilled his racing heart and said, “First, tell me, how are you? Have you been in the hospital this whole time? What does the doctor say?”
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me!”
“You’re not fine, Mom. And look, I’m not hurt. I’m healthy. Okay? You inhaled a lot more gas than I did, after all.”
Kuniko’s skin went even paler. “I-I’m sorry, Wataru. That was foolish of me. What if I’d hurt you? I…”
“It’s okay, Mom. I’m not angry. You were tired, and unhappy. It happens. But I’m fine. I have friends helping me. Mitsuru Ashikawa’s there. He’s the one who took me to Vision…”
“Vision?”
It was difficult to explain quickly. Wataru realized he was probably talking in non sequiturs. The more he said, the more his mother looked confused, and the tighter her grip on him became. It was like she was trying to pull him back and save him from some danger.
“I wanted to change my destiny. I wanted to make it so Dad never met Rikako Tanaka, so he never left us. I wanted to change all this, to get back our old life. That’s why I’m going to the Tower of Destiny.”
But then I forgot why I was there.
Suddenly, a realization crept over him. “Even if I change destiny, I wouldn’t be changing myself,” he heard himself saying. “And if I can’t change myself, then no matter how I change what happens, I will never get rid of the sadness, or the hate. Vision’s shown me that—it’s shown me what’s inside myself.”
That was it. He hadn’t understood fully until just that moment. He finally felt the advice of Dr. Baksan, the Elder in Sakawa, and Wayfinder Lau becoming a part of him, their words running through his veins.
“At first, I thought I could make the past just go away. I thought that would make us happy. But it doesn’t work that way. I’d still be the same old Wataru. Changing your destiny doesn’t mean getting rid of everything you don’t like. Even if you made everything go away, you still couldn’t take it out of your heart.”
He knew now that even if he went to the Goddess and demanded that she abandon the sacrifices, it still wouldn’t change the fact that deep in his heart, he feared being the one chosen. If he used the Goddess’s power to abolish prejudice in Vision, it still wouldn’t change the part of him that wanted to blame others for his own hardships. It was all the same. Vision is a reflection of my own heart. That’s what they meant.
“Wataru…”
Though her cheek was still wet, Kuniko was no longer