Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer [101]
Sure. Take your time.
It took us longer to make the run back. I wasnt trying for speed. I was just trying to concentrate enough that I wouldnt plow headfirst into a tree. Seth was grumbling a little bit in the back of my head, but I was able to ignore him. He knew I was right. He wasnt going to abandon his mom. He would go back to La Push and protect the tribe like he should.
But I couldnt see Leah doing that. And that was just plain scary.
A pack of the two of us? No matter the physical distance, I couldnt imagine the the intimacy of that situation. I wondered if shed really thought it through, or if she was just desperate to stay free.
Leah didnt say anything as I chewed it over. It was like she was trying to prove how easy it would be if it was just us.
We ran into a herd of black-tailed deer just as the sun was coming up, brightening the clouds a little bit behind us. Leah sighed internally but didnt hesitate. Her lunge was clean and efficient-graceful, even. She took down the largest one, the buck, before the startled animal fully understood the danger.
Not to be outdone, I swooped down on the next largest deer, snapping her neck between my jaws quickly, so she wouldnt feel unnecessary pain. I could feel Leahs disgust warring with her hunger, and I tried to make it easier for her by letting the wolf in me have my head. Id lived all-wolf for long enough that I knew how to be the animal completely, to see his way and think his way. I let the practical instincts take over, letting her feel that, too. She hesitated for a second, but then, tentatively, she seemed to reach out with her mind and try to see my way. It felt very strange- our minds were more closely linked than they had ever been before, because we both were trying to think together.
Strange, but it helped her. Her teeth cut through the fur and skin of her kills shoulder, tearing away a thick slab of streaming flesh. Rather than wince away as her human thoughts wanted to, she let her wolf-self react instinctively. It was kind of a numbing thing, a thoughtless thing. It let her eat in peace.
It was easy for me to do the same. And I was glad I hadnt forgotten this. This would be my life again soon.
Was Leah going to be a part of that life? A week ago, I wouldve found that idea beyond horrifying. I wouldntve been able to stand it. But I knew her better now. And, relieved from the constant pain, she wasnt the same wolf. Not the same girl.
We ate together until we both were full.
Thanks, she told me later as she was cleaning her muzzle and paws against the wet grass. I didnt bother; it had just started to drizzle and we had to swim the river again on our way back. Id get clean enough. That wasnt so bad, thinking your way.
Youre welcome.
Seth was dragging when we hit the perimeter. I told him to get some sleep; Leah and I would take over the patrol. Seths mind faded into unconsciousness just seconds later.
You headed back to the bloodsuckers? Leah asked.
Maybe.
Its hard for you to be there, but hard to stay away, too. I know how that feels.
You know, Leah, you might want to think a little bit about the future, about what you really want to do. My head is not going to be the happiest place on earth. And youll have to suffer right along with me.
She thought about how to answer me. Wow, this is going to sound bad. But, honestly, it will be easier to deal with your pain than face mine.
Fair enough.
I know its going to be bad for you, Jacob. I understand that-maybe better than you think. I dont like her, but shes your Sam. Shes everything you want and everything you cant have.
I couldnt answer.
I know its worse for you. At least Sam is happy. At least hes alive and well. I love him enough that I want that. I want him to have whats best for him. She sighed. I just dont want to stick around to watch.
Do we need to talk about this?
I think we do. Because I want you to know that I wont make it worse for you. Hell, maybe Ill even help. I wasnt born a compassionless shrew. I used to be sort of nice, you know.
My memory