Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer [60]
Once we were alone, I crossed the room and sat on the floor next to Bella. I took both her cold hands in mine, rubbing them carefully.
Thanks, Jake. That feels good.
Im not going to lie, Bells. Youre hideous.
I know, she sighed. Im scary-looking.
Thing-from-the-swamp scary, I agreed.
She laughed. Its so good having you here. It feels nice to smile. I dont know how much more drama I can stand.
I rolled my eyes.
Okay, okay, she agreed. I bring it on myself.
Yeah, you do. Whatre you thinking, Bells? Seriously!
Did he ask you to yell at me?
Sort of. Though I cant figure why he thinks youd listen to me. You never have before.
She sighed.
I told you-, I started to say.
Did you know that I told you so has a brother, Jacob? she asked, cutting me off. His name is Shut the hell up.
Good one.
She grinned at me. Her skin stretched tight over the bones. I cant take credit-I got it off a rerun of The Simpsons.
Missed that one.
It was funny.
We didnt talk for a minute. Her hands were starting to warm up a little.
Did he really ask you to talk to me?
I nodded. To talk some sense into you. Theres a battle thats lost before it starts.
So why did you agree?
I didnt answer. I wasnt sure I knew.
I did know this-every second I spent with her was only going to add to the pain I would have to suffer later. Like a junkie with a limited supply, the day of reckoning was coming for me. The more hits I took now, the harder it would be when my supply ran out.
Itll work out, you know, she said after a quiet minute. I believe that.
That made me see red again. Is dementia one of your symptoms? I snapped.
She laughed, though my anger was so real that my hands were shaking around hers.
Maybe, she said. Im not saying things will work out easily, Jake. But how could I have lived through all that Ive lived through and not believe in magic by this point?
Magic?
Especially for you, she said. She was smiling. She pulled one of her hands away from mine and pressed it against my cheek. Warmer than before, but it felt cool against my skin, like most things did. More than anyone else, youve got some magic waiting to make things right for you.
What are you babbling about?
Still smiling. Edward told me once what it was like-your imprinting thing. He said it was like A Midsummer Nights Dream, like magic. Youll find who youre really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then all of this will make sense.
If she hadnt looked so fragile I wouldve been screaming.
As it was, I did growl at her.
If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this insanity I struggled for words. Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right? I jabbed a finger toward her swollen body. Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of you loving him? When you die-the words were a snarl-how is that ever right again? Whats the point to all the pain? Mine, yours, his! Youll kill him, too, not that I care about that. She flinched, but I kept going. So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is any sense, please show me, Bella, because I dont see it.
She sighed. I dont know yet, Jake. But I just feel that this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is now. I guess you could call it faith.
Youre dying for nothing, Bella! Nothing!
Her hand dropped from my face to her bloated stomach, caressed it. She didnt have to say the words for me to know what she was thinking. She was dying for it.
Im not going to die, she said through her teeth, and I could tell she was repeating things shed said before. I will keep my heart beating. Im strong enough for that.
Thats a load of crap, Bella. Youve been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. Youre not strong enough. I took her face in my hand. I didnt have to remind myself to be gentle. Everything about her screamed breakable.
I can do this. I can do this, she muttered, sounding a lot like