Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [24]
I observe some surprising behavior from men when there is a Mary Kay representative at one of our networking meetings. I watch in dismay as the representative talks about her business and is met with total disregard. Men will neglect to listen while she talks, talking over her in their own conversations, making little jokes and snide remarks, and snickering. Maybe they should look at the sales figures, or consider that a company so successful might be able to give them some pretty decent referrals. Men, you do this silly stuff at your own risk. You’re only hurting yourselves.
Mary Kay, the Architect, and the Landscaper
Sounds like a fairy tale, doesn’t it? What do an architect, a commercial landscaper, and a Mary Kay rep have in common? A network! One particular Indianapolis BNI chapter has many types of professionals, including these three.
One afternoon, a Mary Kay rep, Laurie Colby, heard from a friend how unhappy he was with the construction of his restaurant. There were all kinds of issues that needed to be resolved. She let him know that she had a network of people she thought might be able to help him. Laurie introduced one of her associates, Paul Ewer of Quantum Architecture, to the restaurateur. Paul got the job to redo the restaurant. He then passed the referral along to another member in the network who wound up redoing all the restaurant’s landscaping. Several other members of the network were also hired to help out on this project.
While this story is a great testimony to the importance of not underestimating a woman’s business, there’s more to it. From that connection, Paul landed a contract to build a series of restaurants across the United States. That connection wound up being one of the most financially valuable contracts in the history of Paul’s company.
Paul said that he had never considered the possibility of getting such a heavyweight referral from someone who sells cosmetics, but now will never underestimate a woman’s network, no matter what she does for a living!
Conversely, there’s another group I’ve observed with only two women in it, and when I asked the men why it was so male-dominated, they explained, “We just can’t find women who take their businesses seriously.” It’s possible that those men are part of that negative cycle of misunderstanding and that their perception of most of the female entrepreneurs they’ve met is skewed, so they don’t see the potential for including them in the circle, thus limiting their own earning abilities.
Maybe the definition of success in networking is different for each of us, but, if we are going to be more successful, we have to approach each other with open minds and a desire to learn and accept different values. Leading with a desire for understanding can build stronger relationships with our fellow network members, male and female.
LISTEN TO THE MASTERS
“We are slaves to whatever we don’t understand.”
—VERNON HOWARD
“If one does not understand a person,
one tends to regard him as a fool.”
—CARL JUNG
The Survey Says...
Networking Skills
We thought that it would be interesting to see if men and women learned how to network differently. We then asked participants about the different ways they learned. Many of them said all they needed to learn came from just interacting in networking groups. These organizations often have their own training programs and materials, so this is not surprising. It also supports the old wisdom of learning by doing, or learning on the job. People learn fastest by watching other people, making mistakes, and correcting them. Hands-on learning goes that much faster when they are learning a skill that involves interacting.
Most of the respondents chose more than one method of training. Almost half cited just working on their own as a training tool, but many of these people also may have