Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [37]
He Says . . .
It seems that most men and women believe in the concept of Ivan’s VCP Process® and understand that its contribution to building strong business relationships relies on going through each of its phases in order. Both sexes think, “Hey, VCP, yes, that’s what I do!” but women are the only ones really practicing it.
Fellas, do we really think we are building credibility this fast? As usual, we are jumping ahead prematurely, going straight to the profitability phase. Can I tell you how hard it is to admit to our faults over and over? It’s especially difficult with Hazel looking over my shoulder and rubbing my nose in it every time. Guys, help me out here . . . please!
Men are pretty good at becoming publicly visible. We’re driven to make a statement, get our names and presence out into the world, and let people know what we do. It doesn’t mean the visibility phase is enjoyable or comfortable for us, but shining the spotlight on ourselves is a bit akin to tooting our own horns, and we’ve all seen evidence that men are more at ease with this aspect of self-promotion than women, as voiced in this responder’s comment:
I teach men and women in a workshop called “How to Love Networking.” The most common gender-related generalization my research shows is that women are uniquely talented at creating and sustaining relationships naturally and are also the most challenged when it comes to making a request. Men tend to think in more linear terms and are more outcomes focused.
She Comments . . .
Yes, I’ve seen you strut! That’s where the expression “cock of the walk” comes from.
He Responds . . .
Yes, we do tend to strut, and sometimes there’s nothing but hot air behind a façade while at others there’s real content and credibility, but the problem lies in not taking the time to evolve through the credibility phase so that women can see our worth.
We’re under the illusion that we’ve established credibility by self-promotion and then think that of course, next will come profitability and the closing of deals.
Let’s talk about what we men consider “credibility.” When questioning an acquaintance’s credibility, have you had someone respond sarcastically with something like: “Of course they’re the best in the area. I know they are because they told me.” I’m certainly guilty of claiming this on occasion, but when I step back and listen to how that sounds, I realize how ridiculous it seems to think that confidence is gained by just telling people how fantastic, wonderful, smart, charming, talented, and incredible I am.
She Comments . . .
I’m pretty sure most women reading this can recall at least a few dates they’ve been on where the guys have had no problem talking about themselves for the duration of the evening.
He Responds . . .
Hey, I resent that! I will admit, though, it’s a good analogy in that on a date, it would certainly be ridiculous for the woman to base whether to continue dating the guy on what he merely bragged up about himself. Most women want to see what a guy actually does and how he follows through before deciding to take him seriously as relationship material, or not.
I guess I’m not being entirely accurate in saying that method doesn’t work. It does work with men who do the same thing. Boy, is that something to watch. The battle of the egos! Entertainment aside, we’re not trying to get men to work better with men, are we? We’re trying to help men work more effectively with women.
The first rule to networking effectively with women is: Don’t talk about your credentials! Stop trying to impress women by displaying your accomplishments. For women, credibility comes from the building of a relationship during which they’ll see over time all the things you’re restraining yourself from bragging about. One good reason