Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [42]
In sharp contrast to the communication style of men, which seeks to establish and maintain status and dominance, women’s communicating is more egalitarian, or rule-by-consensus-oriented. When women get together they seek the input of the other women present and make decisions based on the wishes of the group.
What this means in the business world is that each sex, at the core of our being, is a different animal when it comes to communication. You are speaking giraffe and I am speaking lion. We men may understand the general message and tone of what you are saying, but the specifics—fuggedaboudit! We have no clue. Yes, ladies I am talking to you, too, when I suggest we all put away our giraffe and lion talk when we are together, and instead speak a common language. That common language isn’t too familiar to either sex, but I know we can make it work well if we both try. Remember during all of this that the goal is about bond, rapport, trust, and confidence.
First There Was IQ and EQ; Now There Is GQ
Ladies, we are simple creatures. Keep it short, simple, and to the point. Here are some great tips for communicating with “the hunters.”
1. Speak directly and to a point. Get right to the goal of the conversation and don’t talk around it. We hate circular conversations. We love targeted, direct conversations that go from point A to point B without detours.
2. If you have a question, ask it.
3. If you have a need, ask for what you need.
4. Understand that MEN DO NOT KNOW what WOMEN are thinking. Not only do we not know, we don’t even have the tiniest hint of a clue. We are not the brightest when it comes to you women and what you want. You’ve heard of IQ and EQ, right? We’ve now also established GQ: The Gender Quotient. This is the measure of one’s level of intelligence about the opposite sex. This quotient came from studies of more than 10 billion men over the last 100 years and has shown that on a scale from 1 to 10 (1 meaning a man is virtually dead and hardly knows the female species exists or recognizes any differences between the genders, and 10 meaning the man’s communication level is equivalent to a woman’s true soul mate).
Overall men averaged a strong 1.278 when it came to understanding women. Unabashedly, we are VERY proud that we scored that high. Women, on the other hand, averaged 4.00001. OK, you’re a little better we are, but don’t be so proud. You don’t really understand us very well either. (You do realize that these numbers are made up, as is the study. But you get my point, right?) Fake study or not, I want to assure you that the newly founded GQ is here to stay.
Here are some examples of how the difference in GQ manifests itself in everyday interactions between men and women:
When she says: “It’s your decision.”
We think she means: “It’s my decision.”
What she actually means is: “You’d better know what I really want and give it to me right now.”
When she says: “Go ahead and do what you want.”
We think she means: “It’s OK with her if I do what I want.”
What she actually means: “I don’t want you to, and you’re going to pay for this later.”
When she says: “I don’t care what a man looks like, as long as he’s a nice guy.”
We think she means: “Providing he’s got lots of money and a status job so my girlfriends will be jealous of me, I will like him, regardless of his looks.”
What she actually means: Exactly what we thought. Shame on you, ladies! We men would never be so shallow as to like a woman just because she has a gorgeous face, great body, blonde hair, large trust fund, and doesn’t speak English. Never!
What About Networking GQ?
Tips on working with us:
1. Don’t talk to us about a problem. Ask us how to solve it. We don’t want to talk about it. We want to impress you with our problem-solving aptitude.
2. If you ask us to help you solve a problem because you don’t know what to do, don’t tell us we are wrong and that there’s a better