Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [43]
3. Don’t come to us moody or depressed. Remain even-tempered and logical. Please watch Star Trek and study Mr. Spock. Model his communication style and way of thinking.
4. Don’t assume we mean something different than what we said.
If I say, “I like your hair,” don’t respond, “Why? Didn’t it look nice before? How about the shoes? Why didn’t you say anything about the shoes? Why don’t you like the shoes?”
A big part of this problem is that women feel men don’t and can’t communicate. Actually, men can communicate, and do, quite clearly, in fact. It appears as though our straightforwardness is our downfall.
From the man’s point of view, less is more. Why use ten words when you can use two? We think women are communication handicapped because they just keep talking and never really get to the point of what they began the dialogue with in the first place.
RESOLUTION
Women, stop expecting men to communicate like you do. We don’t and won’t. We may try, but understand that it is not our natural style to do so.
Men, have a real conversation. Stop giving two-word answers. Practice active listening.
Funny but True
This scenario is a true classic. Ladies and gentlemen, I dare you to read this and tell me it’s not typical. Bet you can’t.
Bill asks Candace out on a date. They have a great time. They then start to date regularly.
Six months later, while driving home from their dinner date Candace says, “Do you realize that tonight is our six-month anniversary?” For a few seconds, there is silence in the car, and to Candace it seems like hours of deafening silence. She thinks to herself, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship. Maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.
Meanwhile, Bill is thinking, Hmmm, six months.
Candace is percolating away in her head with, But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily forward. Where are we going with this thing, anyway? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Children? An entire lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
At this point Bill is thinking, So that means it was ... let’s see ... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I’m way overdue for an oil change!
Candace is now at the point where she’s thinking, He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment. Maybe he’s sensed, even before I did, that I had some reservations. Yes, I’ll bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.
Bill is thinking, Yeah, and I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
Candace is thinking, He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.
Bill is thinking, They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scum.
Candace is thinking, Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, truly do care about, and who