Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [46]
In my experience, women tend to network intuitively, but tend to focus on relationship issues. Men tend to network by design, and tend to focus on business issues.
Women want to take their time and get to know the people they’re adding to their networks. It’s not very often that I go into a networking event and have a woman I don’t know start a conversation that within minutes turns into an attempt to transact business, be it a sale or a referral. I do have that happen with men fairly often. Not only have I experienced that repeatedly in business but also in my personal life. In the arena of dating or courtship, when men try to move from the visibility phase in a relationship to the profitability phase without even stopping to build a little credibility, it spells disaster.
Dating and business networking are more alike than different. They are both based on relationships that take time to create and require nurturing over time to be built in a way that is beneficial for both parties.
Finding myself in the single market, and loving to find new ways to network, I decided to try one of those online dating programs. After one particular gentleman (I use the term loosely here) and I had a few conversations, he asked me out on a date. I accepted and met him for a drink and a light meal, keeping it very casual,just the same as I would with meeting a fellow network member for the first time. Over the course of two hours and two glasses of wine we chatted in a breezy way about our families, professions, and hobbies.
I then decided to call it a night because I had to get up early the following morning. As we were heading towards the door, he put his arm around me and said, “How about you and I go out to the car and make out like teenagers?” I gave him the you-did-NOT-just-say-that glare, and told him, “No.” I thought that was the end of it, and then he said, “Are you sure? It would be fun.” I confirmed my answer and we called it a night. I’ve not heard from him since. He was racing toward profitability, when I hadn’t even considered him for credibility yet. When a person rushes from visibility straight to profitability, they skip a lot of important graces, including manners. It’s a premature solicitation, and that in the long run isn’t good for either party. This survey respondent has witnessed the same thing:
Women approach networking differently because to most of them, it is much more important to build a trusting relationship and then business just happens. With most men, they want to get right down to business and socialize after the deal is done. Women feel as though they are being coerced into a deal this way when all men are doing is getting the business out of the way so they can enjoy the celebration and frankly will move on most of the time if they think there is any hesitation from you about business. This is just a communication problem. Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus comes to mind!
Building a strong network that supports both your personal and business goals requires time. There are no shortcuts to building relationships.
I see the very same scenario play out during business networking all the time. One of the biggest mistakes that networkers make is rushing relationships, much like my date did. It’s not just men who do it, either. Occasionally I run into a go-getter female who wants to go immediately into either a sale or a referral relationship. Once this happens the connection is usually tainted without opportunity to correct it down the road. If it keeps happening, eventually that person develops an “avoid at all cost” reputation.
The Referral Institute has a unique five-step referral process. The first is the trust step, which takes the most time and cannot be rushed. The second is the knowledge step, during which you pass on the knowledge about your business. When I teach the steps there is inevitably a guy in the room who asks, “If I give you enough knowledge about me and my business it should establish trust. Right?” Wrong.