Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [48]
This is key information for women to understand when they network with men. Many women spend time trying to impress men with their sexuality, attire, and flirting, but men want to build credibility fast, and they want women to do the same. They want to know what women have achieved, what they’re doing now, and how it can help them. In theory, this should work well in the networking world. Even though the advice wasn’t intended for the dating arena, may just give it a shot the next time I meet a guy who sparks my interest.
This is the very reason women feel networking is too sales-y and men feel that women don’t take their businesses seriously. We come at this communication from two completely different motives. When women are communicating, they’re trying to build a relationship of trust, and what the guy hears is a bunch of stuff he’s not that interested in. So, ladies, let’s try spending a little time impressing with our credentials “man style” and then hone in on the relationship-building questions. This quote from a survey respondent sums it up very well:
Generally speaking, I find that men are a lot more “in your face” when it comes to networking. Women often talk about everything but the business when you first meet—like movies, restaurants, and family. Then we talk about business. Men tend to get to the purpose of the conversation faster. This possibly helps make their conversations shorter, but I’m not sure that it fosters trust or strong relationships as much. The men I like to refer business to tend to be chatty, friendly men, because I feel I know them better.
We must learn to use the VCP Process® effectively on both sides of the fence. Have you danced awkwardly with someone because you’re both trying to lead? Whether it’s the two-step or the cha-cha, both of you will fail if you mow down the other’s moves. Yes, I know. That’s the way most men dance anyway, but you know what I mean, ladies.
Both of us have to be dancing our complimentary roles in the same dance for things to work. Ladies, you are not going to be seen as serious about your business if you can’t tell men about your accomplishments and goals and how that will help them. You’ve got to be able to brag up your own credibility. The biggest complaint I get from women is that networking with men is too sales-y. Maybe the real problem is that we’re just not saying what they want to hear. If they want a two-step and we want a cha-cha, there are going to be some bruised shins.
Men, you can’t impress women by dominating the conversation with what you’ve done and what you’ll do for them. That’s not even a conversation.
COURTESY OF MERRIAM-WEBSTER
con-ver-sa-tion noun \ känvər’sā SH ən \
An oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas.
Notice the words “sentiments” and “exchange” in Merriam-Webster’s definition of “conversation”? It’s a back-and-forth process, fellas! Women are impressed when you reach out in an effort to get to know them and build trust with them. Doing the two-step is fun, but maybe it’s time to add a new dance to your repertoire.
Having Clear Expectations and Communicating Your Needs
OK, we are about to go into sticky territory. We women think we communicate clearly with you men, but somehow, it gets all jumbled up once it hits your eardrums and brain. Men accuse women of not being direct about what they want or need, feeling like they have to be mind readers. Men rank very low on our gender quotient (GQ) scale at 1.74 while women come in much higher at 4.00.
Here’s some fascinating information about GQ. Over millions of years, the sexes have been trying to understand one another. Books, movies, blogs, articles, studies, radio and TV shows have all been brought to the table in an attempt to teach the sexes to communicate with each other, with not much success. You’d think we’d understand one another after all of that. If that were the case, I would not be working on this book.
Here are few things that the gentlemen need to