Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [49]
• Stop trying to impress us quickly. We’re impressed when you slow down enough to build a relationship of trust. I realize that in prehistoric times the strongest caveman won the rights to breed with women by bravado, but you’re not that guy anymore, and we’re pretty well past thinking being dragged by our hair into a cave is a good thing.
• Keep eye contact going when we’re talking instead of looking over our shoulders or at our breasts.
• Our name badges are for knowing our names and not a one-way ticket to Gawkville.
• “Uh-huh” is not active listening, and we know it means you just want us to think you’re listening.
OK. The list could go on forever, but you get the idea.
Ladies, when it comes to the GQ tally, women score higher because men are really pretty simple. Unfortunately, in business we often forget this, but it’s a great clue that can help guide us in our communications with them.
Men are willing to ask for referrals before we are because they define relationships differently than we do. Just like my bad date, who was very clear with me about what he wanted me to do, men in business situations also want to get the business or referral volley going with you. There’s no mystery about what a guy wants when he’s in this mode. I appreciate that clear communication, which quickly presents the motive and gives me the opportunity to say yes or no and move on, just like with my date. It saved us both time once we had clearly communicated our desires.
Being clear about our expectations is the keystone of a strong referral relationship. Yet women are often reluctant to tell others what they want and expect. Don’t get me wrong. I am not encouraging you to be like my date, at full speed to profitability in an hour. But we women do need to get clear with our networking partners about what we want from the business relationship. Instead of sitting back and only building, building, building, we have to do some self-searching and understand why we’re building the relationship. What exactly do we want from our networking partner? How can they give it to us if we aren’t clear on what it is ourselves and don’t let them know what it is?
I teach a Certified Networker program for the Referral Institute. “Fifteen Ways Others Can Help You” is a section of the program in which the participants first create a list of tactics that will help their businesses and then ask their referral partners to help them with those items. I always get resistance from my female clients with this part of the program, explaining that they’re not comfortable asking others to do those things for them. When I ask if they would be willing to do those things for their referral partners, I get a resounding “Yes!”
Why is it that they would have no problem at all doing any of the 15 items for another person, but can’t turn the tables to help themselves? One of the reasons for the discomfort is that though they’d be happy to do those favors for someone, they’re not comfortable asking that person to reciprocate. Neither do they want to impose on anyone, which makes complete sense when you consider that women are caretakers.
This is the same thing that happens at home. There can be piles of laundry on the kitchen table for hours that need to be taken upstairs and put away. I pass through the kitchen over and over and see that no matter how much time goes by, there they sit. There are a lot of people in the house who could put them away, but they all seem busy and it seems easier to just do it myself than take the time to relay the message to get it done.
Now I am aggravated. Why am I doing it all? There’s no reason I should have to do all the housework! My husband and I are equally busy with full-time jobs and all kinds of obligations. When he gets wind of my irritation and asks what’s wrong, I reply, “With all that laundry sitting there that you’ve passed twice as you’ve walked by, I don’t understand why you haven’t picked it up!” He replies, “You didn