Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [69]
The message here is that it is more important to have a really good referral at hand that people are standing behind 100 percent than to have a referral of your own to give. If I do not have a personal reference to give, I at least still want to direct a friend to outstanding service, so whatever recommendation is the strongest creates the legend, and we pass it on.
A sticky wicket presents itself with networks of friends and associates. They trust each other and count on that trust and often ask for recommendations, but if I am not certain of their competence, then I am likely not going to refer them, friend or not, and if I do decide to refer them I’ll add the caveat that I have not personally used them and it is not as strong a referral.
Men ranked knowing a person’s character as the most valued quality when deciding on whether or not to make a referral. I don’t concur, because I know people with great character, and like them a lot, but would never recommend them because they aren’t competent at what they do. Those are two very different things, exclusive of one another, and one is not a reliable indicator of the other. The last thing a woman wants to do is recommend someone who doesn’t work out well. That is a reflection on her. Because we women do so much mixing of business and pleasure of course we take all our relationships very personally. Men will just say, “Oh, it was just business” because they compartmentalize their relationships, but women will take the failure of the referral as a personal failure.
For most women it is never “just business,” and the man who thinks that he can treat a woman that way or write the failure off as just business puts the entire relationship at risk. As stated earlier in the book, women speak to relate, to build the relationship before the business. But time after time men will say, “Hey, it was just business.”
When I refer someone and that referral goes bad, I feel personally responsible for it. There will not be a second chance, and I will go out of my way to make it good with the person who was referred. It is personal and not “just business.”
The Survey Says ...
Comfort Levels with Networking
Over the many years of running a networking organization, I have heard comments from people saying that men are more naturally networkers because of their personal experiences or that women are more naturals at it because they are better communicators. These sentiments were only a few in the midst of all kinds of other opinions about why either men or women are more comfortable with networking. The truth, based on the survey results, appears to be that both men and women are close to equally comfortable. When we combined “somewhat comfortable,” “very comfortable,” and “loves to network,” women and men scored almost identically to one another, with a total of 94.1 percent and 94.4 percent, respectively.
These respondents probably said it best when they stated:
Most of my business life has hinged on my ability to network comfortably with both men and women. Being able to put someone at ease, establishing open lines of communication, and following up in a timely fashion has created the best referral partnerships. Being able to give as well as receive in these relationships is the best of all possible worlds. Women sometimes think it is harder to deal with men, but it is important to remember that both parts of the network just want to do a good job and be recognized for it.
I find that men are very comfortable networking with me. The men and women I have met are equally happy networking with businesspeople of either gender.
I actually feel more comfortable networking with the opposite sex. I feel women working with women are more competitive.
Perhaps because I am extremely confident, I find that men are very comfortable networking with me, and certainly the men and women I have met through BNI in particular are equally happy networking with businesspeople of either gender.
FIGURE 5.3—Comfort Levels with Networking
I generally