Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [70]
A very small percentage of people stated that they were uncomfortable or didn’t like to network at all. However, despite the small number, they were a fairly vocal group. Both men and women talked about their discomfort networking as shown in the quotes below:
My physical impression on people is often intimidating especially to women. I am young not overly attractive, and built like a football player. Often, if I am approaching a woman who appears shy or seems intimidated, I try to buddy with someone else (preferably a woman) who is familiar with me. I let her make the introduction. Once the conversation starts it usually doesn’t take long for someone to become comfortable with me.
When I first began my business, I joined the local chamber of commerce. Young, female, single, and naive, I frequently found myself in uncomfortable situations with men. What was presented as an invitation to dinner to learn more about one another’s businesses frequently was little more than a social meeting with the hopeful undertones of a “date. ” It was insulting and frustrating. I actually began to shy away from business meetings with men since I could never be sure of their intentions when asking for a meeting. Soon after, I joined BNI and formed strong professional relationships with the men and women there. It gave me the knowledge and confidence to better control the environment of my business meetings so that there was never any question about the purpose of the meeting.
FIGURE 5.4—Attitude Toward Networking
I find one-to-ones more uncomfortable with the opposite sex. Being seen in public by people who may not know it’s strictly business is a concern that I try to deal with by adding others to the meeting. Having three or four people diffuses the issue. My time for obtaining information in this setting is compromised, but it’s better than a damaged reputation.
I’ve recently started exploring my subconscious actions with regard to networking. My husband is uncomfortable about my networking with men, so as I get more male clients and referrals, I find I have unconsciously gained weight to make myself unattractive to them. On the one hand, this makes my husband more comfortable, but on the other hand, I miss my sexy curves.
Uncomfortable Networking with the Opposite Sex
We wanted to know how comfortable the survey respondents were when networking with people of the opposite sex. We thought there was a possibility that there might be a difference between men and women on this issue. Interestingly, there was not a significant difference at all.
FIGURE 5.5—Networking Comfort
In evaluating the data and having discussions with my co-authors, we started wondering if a person’s impressions of others is different from the impressions they leave on others when it came to networking with the opposite sex. Consequently, we conducted a much smaller, secondary survey asking people how they thought others felt about networking with the opposite sex and oh, my, were the results different.
Although the secondary survey had far fewer people, the results were dramatically different. Off-the-scales different. Comparing these two data sets (Figure 5.5 compared to Figure 5.6), we found that people were four times more likely to think that “other people” were always or mostly uncomfortable networking with people of the opposite sex compared to their own comfortable levels. Each person felt comfortable with it, but didn’t think other people were.
This clearly indicates that our personal beliefs about our networking persona, or how we come across, versus our actual projected image or practices don’t match. We see ourselves differently than the way people see us!
FIGURE 5.6—Perception of Others’ Networking Comfort by Gender
We may strive to build and create a public image that seems like a reflection of our personality and ethics, and think that naturally others see us through the same lens.