Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [71]
In conclusion, most of the people in our survey believed themselves to be more comfortable networking than everyone else, which follows the idea that the opposite sex in the networking arena has a different perspective on us than we do on ourselves.
He Says ...
According to the data, we believe that more than 32 percent of the people out there are uncomfortable networking with their gender counterpart. Why does each person in the survey rate themselves as more comfortable than everyone else? Neither the numbers and ideas about ourselves nor the perception of the discomfort of others add up.
My theory on this disconnect is that men are not as good at networking with the opposite sex as they believe they are. Many of us think we are doing well, but we are actually stepping on a lot of female toes. When we see other men doing it, we’re thinking, “I am glad I don’t do that and am better networking than they are.”
Men have become too comfortable. We’ve been doing it for so long that we don’t think our seasoned experience needs any improvement. We’re very wrong about that and are part of that 30 percent who are not comfortable. This perception is in the eye of the beholder. If we continue our transactional approach to networking, just focusing on closing deals, we fail to build relationships. Over the long term this means we will always have to kill what we eat. That, guys, is a lot of work. Let’s get smart like the women and grow our next meal!
Men may believe they’re doing a great job networking because they’re closing deals, but are possibly leaving a trail of annoyed people in their wake, because they don’t seem to care about them. Women are wired to care about others and build real relationships, but we are not. We have to work at it. When we go out, it’s with the purpose of bringing something home. This is a great way to stay focused, but our shortsightedness may hurt us in the long run. It is clear that others do not see us as comfortable. Remember that their perception is their reality, right or wrong.
Our confidence and comfort needs to be viewed critically and cautiously. Just because you’re comfortable doesn’t mean others are comfortable with you. Does it matter what other people think? In the networking game, which is all about building and developing our reputations, it matters very much. Let me repeat it here, if you missed it before, my perception of you is my reality of you!
The only way we get better is by continually self-assessing, analyzing, and critiquing. Look for feedback, visual cues, and how receptive people are to being around you. Networking meetings are a perfect place to do this. We need to make sure that our comfort level matches the level of comfort others feel around us. Maybe your levels already match up. Then again—maybe they don’t.
She Says...
When surveyed, 94 percent of both men and women said that they were comfortable networking, but my experience working with men and women tells a different story. Going to events and meeting people allows me to help others in my network. I ask people questions and listen as they tell me about their struggles and needs so that I can point them in the right direction, to the right people in my network.
It is when I set aside my own needs and step into the room with the intention of helping others that suddenly the networking becomes far more comfortable. I feel very successful when I am able to give referrals to members of my network. Networking goes far beyond the networking event. You have to also get comfortable with one-to-one conversations with people in your network post-meeting.
Most women nurture by nature. When that nurturing approach is applied to our networking activities it allows for a level of comfort that isn’t there when we are being too pushy, asking