Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [79]
As our conversation progressed, I discovered that a networking associate of hers had placed a rather large order of T-shirts with one of Brenda’s competitors. She was hurt, disappointed, and angry. I asked her if she had ever asked Heather, the networking associate, for business. She was first dumbfounded, and then replied incredulously, “Why would I need to ask her? She knows I’m in the T-shirt business! If she wanted to use my service, she would have. She clearly doesn’t!”
We then called Heather to find out why she’d chosen Brenda’s competitor. The answer was not at all surprising to me. Heather simply said, “Brenda has never asked for my business. She knows I’m on the board of a nonprofit and that we do this annual event that I needed the shirts for. I just assumed she didn’t want to do business with nonprofits because she never asked to supply us with shirts.”
He Comments . . .
If that were my connection, that nonprofit would have been sold some matching hats, too. Can you say cha-ching?
She Continues . . .
Lesson learned? Always ask! Even close connections who know what your business is may have confusion about using it. If you expect people to read your mind, you’ll greatly reduce your sales. Heather had made an assumption based on lack of information, which is very common. Because Brenda didn’t provide the clarity of asking, she lost the sale.
The chaotic idea of doing business with family and friends doesn’t need to be so complicated. I continually hear the phrase “I don’t like doing business with family and friends.” But I wonder if those people are waiting for their family and friends to approach them for business. If that’s the case, their own family and friends may think the business is unwanted because they have not been asked for it, so they keep their mouths shut, and on goes the chaos with the former thinking their business is also not desired.
He Comments . . .
I’m getting dizzy. This is kind of like being in a fun house—except for the fun part.
She Continues . . .
Women frequently tell me they’re not comfortable commercializing their relationships. If women develop more personal, friend-like relationships than men with most people they meet, then who does that leave for them to do actual business with? No one wants to feel used, but that’s a very different scenario from clearly defining your business goals. We must be able to define ourselves as professionals by asking, while still maintaining relationships. These two concepts can exist in the same universe. Asking gives a clear definition to those around us and is actually a gift that clarifies for them what we want. If you don’t bother to tell the people you network with what you need, you won’t get it.
Imagine how strong we will be as business owners when we combine our generosity to do for others with the enormous level of help we will get once we begin asking. Asking opens a door to be greater than we ever could have imagined.
The Survey Says . . .
Most Important Networking Characteristics
Both men and women tracked very closely in what they thought the top seven traits of a good networker were, as shown in Figure 6.3 on page 172. Both felt that “helping others” was the most important trait or characteristic of a good networker. This is a change from the survey I conducted more than a decade ago in which this characteristic ranked eighth in the Masters of Networking. I believe this is because of a gradually changing belief system with businesspeople that the best way to get business is to help other people get business. This shift in consciousness relating to what makes a “good” networker is a positive shift that shows a better understanding of how to make the process truly work more effectively for business professionals.
Being trustworthy was the second highest trait identified by both men and women. Trust is the foundation of a referral